Provision in The Gap

I am clearly a worrier when it comes to finances.

I worry that there’s not enough in the bank.

I worry when there’s too much in the bank, that we won’t be wise with what we have been given.

Why do I worry?

Living in one of the wealthiest nations of the world, it’s RIDICULOUS that I worry about finances. I have seen poverty. I have shared a sack lunch with Miriam, a homeless woman on the streets of San Francisco, I have hugged kids who can’t afford shoes in Mexico, I have passed by children begging for food in Belize, I have sat in a mud hut in Kenya and  watched Mary, a young  mom, give birth to a son only to lose him a week later to starvation.

This is not our reality. In our family, back home,  we have always had enough. God has ALWAYS provided our daily bread. We have never a day gone hungry. We have never a day gone without a roof over our heads (even when our house burnt down- insurance provided a hotel for us to stay in). We have seen CRAZY, CRAZY provision time and time again. And STILL I doubt, thinking…” But what about THIS time?”

When this fall’s budget wasn’t looking good on paper- I worried. Yes, there were many unexpected expenses that came our way this summer emptying our savings accounts: termites, new water heater, car expenses to name a few. There were changes in my husband’s salary that made things tighter than before.

And of course, because God has a sense of humor, the kids’ memory verse this month was Matthew 6:31:

“Do not worry about what you shall eat, or what you shall drink, or what you shall wear. For your Heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well.”

I wanted to believe that, but what did I do?  I WORRIED.

The last week of September we were waiting for the next paycheck to go grocery shopping.  We had run out of most everything including PEANUT BUTTER (a family staple!). We had run out of cash, so we got creative with what we had left in the pantry.  The kids were picking up on the fact that the belt was tightened.  We had tried hard to stay out of credit card debt, but having exhausted our savings, we reluctantly put my husbands’ fall doctorate tuition on the credit card. $1000.

My husband has incredible faith and reminds me often to trust in God – who is ALWAYS faithful, even when we are faithless.  He prayed for God to provide that money somehow. I remembered Kallie’s post “The Note” and inspired by her, we prayed specifically. But really, God did HUGE miracles for her, but I didn’t think He’d do that for us.

September 30. I was sitting around the homework table with our kids when we heard a knock at the door. I opened it to find BOXES and boxes full of groceries scattered on our front porch. I stood in shock. I was curious,” “who did this?” and humbled, “who did I tell?” and reminiscent, “us, again? We were just here.”  I was thankful for those who were obedient to so selflessly give. I was humbled, “so many others need this more than we do.” And yet the reminder, God heard our cry.

The kids opened the first bag of groceries and my four year old yelled, “PEANUT BUTTER!! HOW did God know?”

I cried happy tears and sad tears. On that day, AGAIN Jehovah Jireh, God showed Himself to be faithful through the obedience of anonymous friends.

FAITHFUL to me.  To our kids.  To my faith-filled husband.

As if that wasn’t enough, the NEXT day, my husband came home after work with a huge grin on his face. “Look what was in my mailbox?” he said,  and pulled out an envelope. INSIDE a small note.

Psalm 46:1- “God is my refuge and strength. An ever present help in times of trouble.” 

No name.  Just  cash. $1000 cash! That’s a LOT of money.  $1000. The exact amount we had just put on our credit card. The exact amount we had prayed for. We cried, we cheered, we had a little worship service right there Wow, God.

Thus, my facebook status update that night read:

There are those moments when God stops you in your tracks. He cares for your heart in small ways or He provides for your family in tangible big ways. Either way you know it’s Him. It’s just gotta be. The God who sees…The God who provides….The God who knows. That’s our story.

-Alyssa