When life becomes something you never imagined

We are honored to welcome today’s guest author – Kim Fredrickson. We quoted Kim’s book in last week’s “Mommy Guilt” story and were thrilled when she agreed to follow up with a story of her own.  Kim developed a strong reputation for encouraging people through her lifelong work with counseling, teaching, speaking, and writing.  Then, in 2013, word spread of Kim’s cancer diagnosis and people couldn’t help but wonder how she would respond. You see, while Kim was always known for her gentleness and compassion, she was also known for an unfailing trust in God. Would that trust be altered when her life story hit rock bottom? Here’s her story…

In July of 2013 I received some shocking news…”

I’m so sorry to tell you that you have breast cancer. You have an appointment with a surgeon in two days, and the following week you will have surgery.” What a shock to receive that call! I found the lump myself, after having a clean mammogram 9 months before.

Thus began a life changing journey…and believe it or not, this turned out to be the easy part.

After successfully completing treatment for breast cancer at the beginning of March 2014, I was so relieved and looking forward to getting back into my life of counseling, writing and speaking. About 4 days later I noticed I couldn’t take a deep breath. After lots of tests, biopsy, and doctor visits I was diagnosed with a serious and rare side effect from the chemotherapy. My lungs were significantly damaged as a result of the treatment, and require me to be on supplemental oxygen 24/7.

Only 1-2% of women end up with this type of side effect. Not only will this disease (pulmonary fibrosis) not get better, it is progressive and is terminal. As you can imagine, this has been quite a shock, and has turned my world upside down.

This is not the end of the story of course, because God is in the picture.

Throughout this process I was blessed with a publishing contract from Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, to publish my book, Give Yourself a Break – Turning Your Inner Critic into a Compassionate Friend, which was released in July. I’m so grateful for this opportunity, and am really pleased with this book.

My heart is to help others through these difficult times of life…especially when your world gets turned upside down, as mine has. I had a choice to make…amidst a lot of grief (which continues) about how I would handle such a rough diagnosis with such an uncertain future. As I sought God and listened to my heart, I felt compelled to share with others HOPE in the midst of difficult, unexpected and uncertain times. My transition through the grief process was not a pretty one…but it was real and honoring to myself.

I’ve learned some things about how to keep going and even thrive when your life becomes something you never imagined. I know there is more to learn about adjusting and accepting something so difficult, while still staying connected to God, myself and others.

Clinging to God continues to be my lifeline, as well as the prayers and support of so many. Another key factor is the supportive relationship I have with myself. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I told my self, “I’m going to be a very good friend to myself” during this process. When being diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis this became even more important. Having yourself as a loving advocate and compassionate friend as you go through the ups and downs of life is absolutely essential.

I would definitely not have chosen this path, but I now welcome what God can do in the midst of it.

We often don’t get a choice about what comes our way.  We always have a choice about how we respond to it; how we treat others, and ourselves; and whether we turn toward God or away from Him.

I still grieve in smaller ways most every day. I also try to have as optimistic and hopeful a perspective as I can, realizing that what has happened to my health, counseling practice and my life is only part of the bigger picture – because of God.

Of course it’s not like I know what these greater purposes are now …but here is what I do know:

• God is good (James 1:17)
• He will work things together for ultimate good (Rom 8:28)
• He will give me the strength to handle whatever is happening to me (Phil 4:13; Is 58:11)
• He will use what is happening to me to affect others, for good or bad (2 Cor 1:3-5)
• It is up to me to cling to Him and use his love, power, strength and contentment to handle what is happening in the most positive way I can (Phil 4:13)
• I won’t do any of this perfectly, nor do I need to
• God uses and strengthens people who are broken and needy (Is 58:11) much more than those who are “together” and self-sufficient.
• If I allow Him, God will use these tough times to grow me into a more mature, solid, and deep person (Rom 5:3-5).
• God is good and gives me what I need as I need it (Phil 4:19)

I am trusting God to use these damaged lungs, using supplemental oxygen to give my body the oxygen it needs, to offer HOPE, Optimism and Self-Compassion…in the realness of life.

I recently spoke to a college class about How to Walk Through Pain and Suffering in Our Lives. It is on YouTube if you’d like to watch or listen. Please feel free to share this with someone you know could use encouragement and help

I know the details of your story may be very different from mine…but there are many similarities we probably share. I send you hugs and my compassion for whatever you are going through. Life can be difficult, but we don’t have to go it alone.

Cling to God; Reach out to Others for Support; Be a Compassionate Friend to Yourself. This is not the end of your story, or His Story through you.

-Kim

Kim is the author of Give Yourself a Break: Turning Your Inner Critic into a Compassionate Friend. She enjoys sharing about the transforming power of self-compassion integrated with our faith through her blog Self-Compassion for Real Life, speaking (locally or over Skype) and radio interviews.