Welcome to my mess

“Trails and trails of ants.”

Not exactly what I wanted to hear as I hurriedly walked into the house bearing arms full of groceries. Expecting to see the clean counters I had scrubbed last night, my eyes instead zeroed in on the hundreds of cans and jars,  boxes and bags of food that covered every counter top while my husband quickly pulled out more.

An army of ants had invaded our kitchen.

I hate ants.

They make my blood boil.

And that specific morning, after all the rain had subsided, the ant brigade thought it’d be a perfect time to take refuge in our food cabinets where the feasting possibilities were endless! (How long HAD it been since I had cleaned out the stickyness and crumbs in those shelves?)

As I  joined my husband in the romance of wiping off objects and throwing bag upon bag away- I had this daunting realization.

We’d be hosting a major playdate any minute.

And one of the little girls we invited over was fresh off the plane from Autstralia and had never been over to our house before. This was not my idea of a welcome party.

Like clockwork,  the doorbell rang. I looked around my kitchen. It looked like an absolute disaster zone. My stomach churned,

I had the passing thought “Maybe they’ll just drop the kids off at the door and I can finish cleaning this up.”

Her parents and I chatted cordially at the door. I stood where I could strategically block the view of my disastrous kitchen. .. But then my fear became a reality- these people weren’t leaving any time soon.

And I sensed God whisper “Invite them in- to join you on the couch;” Like an obedient child,  I promptly IGNORED it.

This happened three times until I knew I needed to oblige. They weren’t picking up on my non-verbals that said “time to go home.”  And so I called them over to the couch with the spectacular kitchen view.

I tried to offer an explanation and make a joke about the 2017 Ant  Storm- the- Kitchen Operation, but continued to feel embarrassed. As we chatted,  my mind began to spiral...what were they thinking? What judgments would be made about us? What did this MESS say about me, as a homemaker, mom….human being??? (as if a dirty kitchen tells all!)

Our mess. Human nature is to HIDE it.

Somehow we’ve come to believe the myth that smiley posed Facebook pictures are a snapshot of REALITY, and that someone who doesn’t appear to have it all together won’t have any friends.

Somewhere along the line we’ve also believed that we’ve gotta clean ourselves up before pursuing friendships, going to church, exploring “religion” or making steps toward God.

We make comparisons and excuses. “I’m not pure enough like THAT person. When I have more time, after I’ve gone to counseling, once I’m married and have kids,  THEN I’ll look into this God thing.”

We seem to think we’re the only people on the planet that are messed up, and that a holy God couldn’t accept one as broken as us.

But, here’s my FAVORITE truth from the Easter story this year…..

Not AFTER we were all cleaned up, or worthy, but WHILE we were funk messy.

Jesus chose the gnarly- the tax collector who knew he was unpopular, the smelly fisherman who said it like it was, the outlandish Peter who couldn’t quite control his emotions or tongue, even Judas, the friend who would undoubtedly betray him. Jesus comes for the broken. Those who open their pantries and acknowledge their mess.

He’s all about GRACE. “If you confess your sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive your sins and cleanse you.” I John 1:9 .

“Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other you will be healed.” James 3:1

Are we willing to be vulnerable? 

God wants us to be real with Him. and with each other. Because most of the time, when we are, there’s miraculously HEALING there.

You know that fateful ANT invasion day ?

Here’s the thing: everything was actually o.k. when I welcomed people into my mess!

Strangely, these new friends seemed to relax and sit back in the refreshing humanness and  imperfection of it all. And somehow I hope that with a little glimpse of  my REAL they’ll feel more welcome to not have to tidy up as much when we stop by next time.

Vulnerability. It’s a big word I learned from those dang ants.

Maybe we need to leave things “as is” in our home (or hearts) and welcome people in anyway…

Or maybe, today, it’s time to open up the cabinets and empty the drawers of our hearts before God. Let Him see our mess…(He’ll love  us the SAME!) And we’ll experience freedom and BUCKETS AND BUCKETS of GRACE not trying to hide anymore.

So say it with me: “welcome to my mess!”

–Alyssa