Risk 2.0

“Learning to trust takes risking — following God in the face of our fear.”

– Christine Caine, Unashamed

If you came face to face with fear, what would you see?

• A mirror
• Success
• Failure
• Crowds
• Trust
• The Unknown
• Disappointment
• Loneliness
• Rejection
• Shame,

As a recent post-grad (and in general, a human) I deal with fear. Fear has been my suitcase since before I can remember, and as I’ve gotten older, it’s become heavier.  Fear is something we all deal with.

This summer, after graduating college, was one of the hardest, most excruciating few months I have ever lived. I couldn’t even begin to explain the pain, heartache, shame, confusion, disappointment, and especially fear that I lived in…in the midst of wondering what was next.  But I can sit here and write to you without tears pouring from my eyes and tell you God is good and God has been faithful. It’s taken me a long time to get to a place I’m in right now, and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for the people God has placed throughout my life especially at this specific time .

A few weeks ago I was talking with a dear friend of mine, I had been wanting to purchase A Giving Key but couldn’t think of a word, so I asked her what she thought I should get. One of the things I really love about this friend is that she never actually responds with an answer, but another question.

She just said, “well, what do you need to embrace during this season?”

This season is chaotic, but I didn’t want to choose “peace”, “rest”, “dream”, “fear” or any other typical words, I wanted to get creative this time around. When I looked back through the pages of this season, I realized I was afraid of being afraid. I feared risking anything that could damage what I had going, any thing that could possibly bring me back to the depths of shame. It was during that time of processing, that I discovered the word I needed to be embracing.

RISK.

If you knew me a few years ago, you would know that although I liked to be in control, a bit of a perfectionist, and sometimes a bit of a freak, I also loved the thrill of risk. I love to adventure, travel, create, and sometimes do really stupid things for the heck of a good story or photo. But then this thing called senior year happened. I was working almost full time, going to school full-time, leading a ministry, trying to pay rent, and trying to keep relationships alive. It was exhausting and I was exhausted. I packed that thrill of risk into a box and threw it in the closet to avoid damaging anything I had going. Friends, it’s time for me to start un-boxing risk again, and maybe you as well.

For me the first step in my new life of risk was accepting a job offer in the Bay Area. I am terrified to be leading a middle school ministry, to be looked up to as a pastor would be and in charge of so many small humans. And I will tell you in all honesty, I balled my eyes out the night I got the job offer because of fear and lies the enemy was filling my mind with, because he knows that fear can hold me from doing what God has ultimately offered me.

But I am also stoked, I am excited to be back in a place that has meant so much to me in my life, and a place I truly feel called to be in. This job means moving to a city I have never lived in, working with people I have never worked with, and basically starting over.

One day at a time I am learning to face fear head on. Each day I take one more risk towards trusting God and living a reckless faith for Him.

What are you fearing today? What is holding you back from risking your life to follow Jesus faithfully and radically?

I would love to hear about what words you need to embrace this season of your life, feel free to comment or shoot me an email, let’s chat.

From one human to the next,

Michelle

Michelle is a recent graduate from William Jessup University where she studied Psychology and Bible & Theology. She is currently the Junior High Director at a church in the Bay Area. She is passionate about people, stories, coffee, Dr.Pepper, and Jesus. To hear more about her adventures with Jesus check out tobefullyalive.wordpress.com.