Purposeful Anger

I’ve always been intense. People tend to assume that my son Kaden is a mini Jason, but the truth of the matter is that my act first/think later, wear his emotions on his sleeve son is really a mini-me.

When I was a kid I neither understood the intensity nor recognized that I often absorbed the emotions of people around me. Without the outlet of recognition or expression I was often left with a stomach ache.

Is a child in your life exhibiting the symptoms of anxiety? Have you ever considered that the anxiety might actually be high intuition and empathy?

During high school and college my intense nature was most often expressed in anger, which was actually acceptable – especially in sports. The intensity fueled a drive to achieve. Life was something to conquer.

Do you cheer for high-achievers? We’re all impressed that they’re able to accomplish so much. But have you ever wondered what drives them?

At age twenty-one —      Life.    Slowed.    Down.

I graduated from college, got married, took an office job, joined a women’s ministry leadership team, and essentially stepped into a quiet, suburban life.

Have you squelched an aspect of your personality because you think it doesn’t fit your current role or season of life?

Oh, I tried to force my intense nature to disappear. I focused on productivity, practiced spiritual meditation, and sought satisfaction in my good(albeit routine), suburban life.

Here’s what I learned — when a strong emotion such as intensity/anger lacks an outlet it WILL release itself either by making you physically ill or finding some unhealthy expression.

This created three major problems:

1) Frequent headaches.

2) Consequences that required clean-up.

3) Space for lies to enter my heart. (The biggest lie… one that I still battle from time to time… is that I am “too much” for people.)

Have you ever noticed how lies have a way of weaving themselves deep into our core?  One of the best things we can do in terms of ‘self-care’ is to ask God to show us the truth about our identity and allow that truth to work like a salve pushing the deep slivers of lies from our core.

What lie haunts you? Don’t assume it will disappear if you just ignore it.

Lies must be combatted with truth.

When I reflect upon that season of suppression and lies, the ironic thing is that simultaneously, through speaking, writing, leading, and counseling I was modeling authenticity – creating safe environments for people to take off their masks and practice being real with God and friends.  I was practicing (and teaching) authenticity while all the while suppressing an important part of my God-given personality.

God knew what I was doing.

Ephesians 2:10 says we are his masterpiece.  The word for masterpiece is a priceless work of art.  By suppressing part of my personality I was essentially dimming his work of art.

One day I ‘stumbled’ upon an amazing little book – Yes by Ann Kiemel, a dynamic evangelist and activist, a strong leader during the ‘Jesus Movement’ of the 1970s.  Ann’s words prompted a domino effect, unlocking my intensity by attuning it to a new drum beat – my Good Dad’s heartbeat for humanity.  The drumbeat has led me to a deeper, richer life.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. urged us to use our anger as a transforming force towards change.  I believe Jesus modeled this type of passion (dare I say, intensity).

Today when my insides churn I try to put that anger to good use.  This is by no means a perfected practice.  I still have to build time in my schedule to run some of the energy out.  And I will forever appreciate my husband who sees value in the intensity and my friends who understand it and can handle an occasional vent session.

Overall, I’d say that I am finally living life the way my Good Dad designed me to live it:

Observe.  Absorb.  Take courage.  Move forward.  Be a change agent.

How can you live differently? Are you allowing him to use all of you?

Is it time to be made whole?

Laura