Today’s guest writer is a dear friend of ours. Coree Keenan is one of the most giving people on the planet. An accomplished photographer, she captures the beautiful and candid moments of life best through her camera lens. She has begun a new journey with God – asking Him to reveal Himself through signs. Look how it played out right before her eyes.
God gifted me with a strong sense of independence.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years and I’ve always felt that I am not his; rather we are each other’s.
I love my husband but I am not a doting wife. He is very deserving of that …but it is not me.
The strengths of all great super heroes become their ultimate weakness, right? God is funny like that.
So little by little I can see that my husband deserves more; more attention, more sensitivity, more tenderness…and I don’t know how to offer that to him without insulting my independence.
So…I pray for signs. I don’t pray for God to change my heart. My heart is there with my husband.
I pray to be taught how to love serving him. (I shiver typing that, it is so not what I want to pray for. It is on my heart and I did not want it there. God put it there because there is no other way that *it* got in *there*.) So here is the lesson that He put before me:
My grandfather had been taken to the hospital by ambulance in the middle of the night. He had a blood clot. He was stable and receiving good treatment. He was likely to go home the next day but he is 90 years old and it was a scary time to be his loving granddaughter.
The nurse served him his lunch, a plate covered with one of those metal serving dishes.
He opened it up and asked what was inside. I forget that he is now legally blind.
I watched my Gram describe it to him in detail and remove all of the stuff that he doesn’t like. She removed all of the broccoli and the mushrooms.
She cut up his chicken as his hand had an IV in it. She opened his milk and stuck in the straw. “Harvey, this is vanilla pudding, may I open it for you? Or would you like to save it?”
I am not a doting wife. I like to serve. I am a champion volunteer…but I don’t do *that*.
She was so attentive to him. It was NOTHING that I have in me as a wife.
I have it in me as a mom. Towards the kids? Yes. Towards my husband? Nope. Not there. Nor would I receive that. I am too independent for that; too much feminism for that; too strong for that; too prideful for that.
Yet I admired it in them that day. It was a beautiful exchange and I admired it and it stirred something in me…and it felt weird.
I saw my Gram as a powerful caretaker with a very well defined supportive role. I didn’t see her as subservient to him. I saw her love for him. It didn’t insult her. It wasn’t her job or her duty. It was her kind gift to him.
And I learned something from God that day; a little lesson that He put literally two feet in front of me. It was my sign. And it teensy weensy changed my stubborn independent heart a little tiny bit.
–Coree
Love reading what God is teaching you, Coree and getting to know your heart a bit better. Blessings to you on your journey!
Coree,
This is beautiful and honest and open. I learned something from you and about you reading it. Your heart and mind are a gift to those around you. Thank you for sharing this!
Melissa
Wow Coree,
Reading your description of yourself was like reading a description of me- as written by someone so much more insightful than I am. I learned so much in that short blog post. I am telling you, I was MEANT to read that today. Thank you for writing it!
Coree,
So much of myself is reflected in your post. I struggle with this so much with my husband. His condition is that of an “invisible” disease and it was not present when we were married. I too would give anything for my kids but found myself resentful towards his “needing” me to help with so many things. I’ve prayed a million prayers for God to help change my heart. It doesn’t come easy or naturally to me…and besides we were partners…equals, right? In my case there was an expectation that there is a natural progression and as we grow older we care for one another. I had never been prepared to take on that role at our age.
I love your openness & honesty! I’m happy to report that in the last 6 months my heart has slowly been awakened. I let the resentment go and was surprised at what took it’s space in my heart!! ♡
Thank you for sharing this from one “non hugger” to another that our ways may be changed a teensy weensy bit to match our hearts.
My beautiful friend,
You never cease to amaze me with your heart and your life and the way you bless others. I am SO excited to see the journey that God is taking you on and I so enjoyed reading your honest reflections. I am honored to learn from you and to call you friend.
This is lovely. I’m going through a period of reevaluating my role in relation to the father of my children as well..in my case, how to be loving and supportive of his journey with the kids from outside the marriage. Service and support are not signs of weakness. In many cases, they are signs of extraordinary strength.