Healing Broken Things

O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.       -Psalm 30:2

I’ve been walking a journey of healing recently, that has been both emotional and spiritual. It’s been a difficult journey. It’s been a quiet, lonely journey. Not because people around me haven’t cared for me…but because this healing process has been internal and complicated.

We know this to be true of physical healing. When your body is ravaged by disease or bones are broken, you can’t heal simply by wishing it would get better.  You need the skilled hands of a physician to diagnose your condition, clean out your wounds, repair the damaged tissue, and set a course for your healing. Healing takes time.

We also know that wounds happen not only at the physical level, but on other levels as well. The journey to healing with these kinds of hurts are similar to the physical ones. To properly heal, it takes time, rest, and a skilled Physician. The journey is lonely. Quiet. Internal. A lot is happening but most of the time, until the scar tissue closes up on top, you can’t see a difference.

Some time ago, a bomb of sorts exploded in my life. I was pulverized emotionally.  My identity was attacked and suffered critical blows. I was silenced. Betrayed by people I trusted. The core of who I am was slandered. Judged mercilessly. Burned. I could barely breathe, my faith in God’s goodness brought to trial.  I stared at mountains of ash that had once been dreams and lifted tear stained eyes to my God asking where He was. The Enemy had prevailed, or so it appeared. I had followed God with everything and instead of obvious victory in a situation, I felt abandoned,  beaten, and bloodied.

It was a dark and painful time. Horrible.  It was easy to believe the lies that my God had left me. It was easy to make agreements with the Enemy of my soul that God did not care.  But truth said differently. Truth shouted that I was not alone, my God was with me.  

…for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”   –Hebrews 13:5

Looking back, I realize that His presence was all that sustained me. He was close to my broken heart just like He promised, even when my tears kept me from seeing Him.  I know it now.  In His grace He sent help, friends and family, swiftly to my bruised soul to begin to  nurse me back to health.

I survived the attack.

But I was not healed. I was still wounded. Deeply.

And at first, knowing I was badly hurt and needed healing, I tried to be proactive. I tried to take over my triage…needing to control this trauma in my heart.  I wanted to be healed. I wanted desperately to feel better. I believed God could heal me. But in my eagerness to hurry up and heal, I tried to heal myself. I prescribed myself with a good dose of forgiveness for those that had hurt me. I filled my days with reading my bible, and turned up the worship music. I drank in lots of truth and surrounded myself with solid community. These were all really good…except for one thing; it wasn’t working. Completely not working. I was still hurt, still, ‘bleeding’ emotionally, still unable to forgive. I finally realized, through God’s endless grace, WHY it wasn’t working.  It was because I wasn’t the doctor. Deep down I really knew nothing about how to close up the gaping wounds in my heart.

One of God’s names in the bible is Jehovah Rapha.{Exodus 15:22-26} It means The Lord Heals. I love it, because healing is one of His names. His very name. His character is to heal our broken places. The God of healing.  Him…Not me.

I could not heal myself. And in truth, I just got in the way. I had the best intentions, but I was not able to do what only He can do. This was where I uncovered a powerful truth. I had to completely and utterly surrender my wounds to Him. Surrender.

The very last thing I felt like doing after the attack I had just been through was to let down my guard and trust enough to surrender. But it was in the total and complete surrender of my painful wounds to Him, the One who loves me beyond reason… that I found the deepest healing. It was when I slowly pulled my hands away from the torn places of my soul that His cleansing mercy seeped in to the deep pain. He was so faithful and so gentle to clean out my wounds and then bind them up. He protectively covered my bruised places with His own scarred hands. He breathed fresh life into the places that had died. He lovingly rebuilt my identity and reminded me where it belongs; in Him. He poured into me rich forgiveness that I did not possess on my own, that I might walk in freedom. It was beautifully miraculous.  When I let go of my time-table for healing, and just let Him be God….the God of Healing, He did. He healed my broken self. He restored my wrecked heart.

In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.    -John 16:33

I do have scars from all of this. I believe I always will. My scars are hidden to most, but they are there. Tender. Sometimes uncomfortable. Twisted flesh that speak of battles fought. Reminders. Not reminders of what the Enemy did but of what my Jesus did.

Reminders of His power to heal broken things.

Friends..I know so many of you are hurting also… and I hope that my story will help you. He wants to heal you too.  He wants to heal those places in your heart that have been ravaged, wounded and laid bare. I know this to be true.  He wants to heal those places in your spirit that hurt so much that they cause you to be untrusting, sometimes bitter and truly unable to forgive.   I pray you will seek and surrender to Him. Jehovah Rapha, The Lord Heals. If He is your Lord, He is your healing.

Those who seek the LORD will not lack any good thing.       –Psalm 34:10

-Kallie