10 years ago we moved to the area. My husband and I had been here for just a few months and I was adjusting to all the “new.” We had left my community since childhood, our church, our jobs (I had been in my “sweet spot” teaching kindergarten), all of my family, and our friends to follow where we believed God was leading us. The irony was that we had not been looking for change but upon learning that a new Christian university was coming to Northern California we were browsing the website and found a job description that described my husband to a “T” – it was all that Daniel loved wrapped up into one job. So he applied, and four months later we sold our house and left our community to move up north.
I KNEW God was in all of this….but I. DID. NOT. LIKE IT! I like my plans, and this certainly was not on my radar. I did not want to move from our first home while the paint was literally still drying. I grieved leaving my friends, and job. The idea of moving away from my parents & siblings ripped my heart out. I knew God was asking me to BELIEVE Him and go….but I was not happy about it.
I crossed my arms, cried, and threw a two-year old tantrum all… the… way!!
JUST when we were getting our feet on the ground we found out we were pregnant with our first child. This was very exciting news for us, however I found myself in a place where I had MUCH to believe God for… I had hopes to be a stay-at-home mom and we needed God to miraculously provide in order to live on one income. I was sad to leave my teaching career and needed help to embrace this calling of motherhood. Daniel and I needed friends and community more than we ever had! Would God really provide for us?
Desperate for deep friendships, I joined a Bible study at a local church. It was a study on Beth Moore’s book, “Believing God” and we went through the book of Joshua. That study had a profound impact on my life. I learned to pour out my heart to God, pray in faith, and ask Him to provide for my needs. I asked God, “are you who say you are?” and “will you do what you say you will do?”
And, friends, during that semester we saw God provide!! There were random envelopes of money delivered on our doorstep for the exact amount we needed for an unpaid bill. He provided a way for me to work from home and teach piano lessons. Within a couple months I had a schedule full of students and our budget was met. We had a new baby and God provided other mommy friends quicker than I expected (He knew this extrovert would’ve NEVER made it without). And it all started with an honest question of belief….DID I BELIEVE GOD?
Fast forward ten years….
We are at another crossroads. My husband is finishing his ph.d and we are anticipating change. We are being asked to be OPEN to anything. Once again, I’m not real eager for change. We love our community, our home, our jobs, our church, my amazing in-laws are here, we have dear friends… But we are being stirred that there is MORE.
Old fears return, what if God doesn’t provide, what if we have to move and experience isolation and loneliness? How will our kids survive huge changes in their young lives? What if we’re abandoned?
Do I BELIEVE GOD?
And ya’ll…that question seems to be everywhere. This weekend I’m attending the IF:Gathering . And…guess what the theme is….? BELIEVE.
Guess what book of the Bible we’re studying? JOSHUA.
It’s a full circle moment. God is returning me to a place we’ve been before. To a lesson we learned together years ago.
Do I believe He is who He says He is (the provider, rescuer, king, shepherd). Do I believe He will do what He says He will do?
I’m ten years older and unfortunately not too much more mature. But I can look back on the past ten years and see how believing God was an invitation to watch Him provide all along the way. My hope is this time…when He reveals where and how and what is next for our family…that I won’t be a two year old throwing a tantrum. Maybe I’ll at least respond with the faith of an 8 year old!
My hope is that when I come to this FULL CIRCLE MOMENT of trusting Him again, I will simply BELIEVE.
” ‘Jesus said, ‘Everything is possible for him who believes….’
‘I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief!’ ” Mark 9: 23
-Alyssa
Alyssa, I so understand your feelings and also have seen God’s hand lead, guide and provide! I am going to the IF gathering in Austin and Believe that God has things to reveal to us. I will be praying that your time will be blessed and that your open heart will be filled!
Hi JANN!!!! Love hearing from you!! I can’t believe you got to go to “IF Gathering” in Austin. Would love to chat about what stood out to you! 🙂 Yes…it seemed many of the sermons were exactly catered to me/us.
Hey…P.S. Would you please consider writing for the blog? I so respect you and KNOW God has revealed Himself to you and Kevin in mighty ways over the years… Would love to have you share a story!!!