Expand Your Heart

My first track coach taught us to train our lungs in order to run longer with less effort. I have come to think the heart, like our lungs, was designed to expand for greater capacity.

We work on heart expansion all the time, right? Loving a second child as much as the first. Showing equal care for a spouse as for a beloved job or cause. Nurturing every student (especially the challenging ones). Making a new in-law feel welcome.  

Often these expansions are passive, involving effort only when required. I wonder how big, and pliable, our hearts could become if we directed more attention to their expansion.

A few years ago God knocked massive holes in the Frederick family calendar. I stared at those holes for too long asking for the purpose behind the empty space. Sadly, I was so busy looking for the reason behind the space that I nearly missed the purpose for it.

You see, God was giving our hearts time to train and prepare for the next season of our family story. The season that was quickly approaching. The season of ‘extra kids’.

It is difficult to quantify how significant these extra kids have become. Jason and I truly love them. Kaitlyn and Kaden think nothing of rotating rooms and bunkbeds, taking kids before or after school, meeting needs without question. As I write this, Kaden is sleeping in a ‘nest’ on my bedroom floor because we have a guest in his room and an extra kid in Kaitlyn’s room. We have a modest house and busy lives, but our family has learned to practice flexibility and just say ‘yes.’

Not a  ‘yes’ of codependence, but a ‘yes’ to what God has orchestrated. There is a distinctly different quality to adjusting your life in order to say ‘yes’ to the best focus for the season.

Here are a few of the things that have helped us say yes more easily:

*Quesadillas and air-popped popcorn are inexpensive snacks for large groups. Fruit is an easy way to slip-in added nutrition. We maintain the supplies for several simple dinners, and bacon is always in our freezer.

*We buy extra toothbrushes, toothpaste, hair brushes, hair bands, deodorant, and face wipes. Kids often forget one of these items when they pack their overnight bag.

*I frequent yard sales and thrift stores for extra soccer gear and clothing.

*We found free air hockey and ping pong tables, and built a carpet ball table.

*We gently postpone screen time for the sake of art projects, forts, nerf wars, or outside play.

*Vacuuming frequently makes a full house feel cleaner.

*Jason and I are conscious of our energy tanks and help each other make time for the things that refill us.

*We also keep an eye on Kaitlyn and Kaden. Kaitlyn (our introvert) benefits from regular doses of cave time. Kaden (our extrovert) benefits from regular doses of focused time with Jason or I.

On a deeper level, we are no longer startled when the veil is pulled back to reveal pain or struggle. Your neighbors, friends, coworkers, and classmates are doing all they can to hold it together.

We humbly navigate this season of life with our hands and hearts open. Open to love when nothing can be returned. Open to rearrange, juggle, and fight for the balance required to remain present and available. Open to our own imperfections. Open to messiness.

We are an altered family. And, the miraculous part, the thing that indicates our Good Dad’s tender expansion  of our hearts, is that this season feels completely normal and absolutely wonderful.

Dear ones, I would encourage you to consider the current season of your story.

What is your heart meant to expand for?  (For us it was kids but for you it may be something else entirely)

What you can do to make your heart more pliable?

– Laura