Category: Faith (Page 4 of 4)

There are moments in each of our lives when we make a significant decision of faith.  Beth is an accomplished business woman, active community member, surrogate mom to many and fun loving friend. Read her account of a new journey pursuing God. 

Why God?

Why Now?

I realize that most people ask these questions before they turn 42 but I may not be the “norm”. The past 12 months have been a series of events that have led me straight to God regardless of whether I knew I was heading there or not. Whether I wanted to go or not.

In retrospect, there are things throughout my entire life that I have dismissed simply as “the way things were supposed to be” or “everything happens for a reason” which are all great ways to keep God at arm’s length.

But let’s get real (as I’ve been forced to do recently). I think, in all reality, everything started to become clear when my two smart, beautiful 13 year old daughters were telling us they were very unhappy at the new school they were attending.  While, I chalked this up to them being in a new city, meeting new friends, etc. it kept eating at me.  Finally, we realized there was an unusual amount of violence and lack of adult supervision at their school which ultimately resulted in their feelings of insecurity and vulnerability.  My Momma Bear instincts kicked in and I started reaching out to my local contacts for alternatives.  Please keep in mind that we recently relocated here to support my significant other in his job promotion…none of us chose this city (but in hindsight, we now realize God did).

So, within less than 48 hours I had multiple trusted resources tell me about this amazing Christian school right around the corner. Whoa, wait a minute…Christian school?  Um, we believed in a higher power but let’s not get crazy.  This school had chapel, recitation of bible verses and a dress code…and our girls had never even been to church.  Furthermore, how could we possibly support our girls when we didn’t regularly attend church or even own bibles…there must be another alternative.

It was clearly family meeting time and based on everything they had experienced at public school, our girls were excited and relieved to attend the “Christian” school. So, we went out and got their uniforms, contacted our previous neighbor, the person we knew had a ‘direct phone’ to God for some advice.   She assured us and affirmed our decision, promising to pray and walk alongside us in this new season.

So, they did great and excelled in every area…which we expected as these girls are super stars.

What we didn’t expect was that the school was adjacent to a church and this church, its pastors and all of the “family” welcomed us.

My fiancé and I looked at each other and although we hadn’t talked much about religion, we thought this was an amazing opportunity.

Over the next few months, we attended service after service, bought our own personal bibles and really embraced everything the church and God had to offer. Our girls excelled at school and we are able to see that God’s fingerprints have been all over our relationship and adult lives.

All of this only begs to ask the question…

Why Not God?

Why Not Now?

My home in Colorado was, quite literally, on the side of a mountain. Surrounded by a national forest, the Christian camp we ministered at was a retreat from the world. Aside from the 8 months of snow, {which I still have nightmares about!} it was a truly beautiful, wild place to live.

We were situated in a canyon and so I looked out my living room windows at the enormous mountain across the way. When we first moved there, I remember thinking it was the most gorgeous view and that I would never tire of looking at it.

The thing about living in a canyon is that the sun ‘sets’ really early. In the winter, we would lose the sun at about 3 pm and already freezing temperatures would plummet into the negative range. Our days felt very short and after several years of living there, the mountains around me began to change in my eyes.

I began to dislike that large beautiful mountain that blocked my sunshine,

blocked my sunset,

blocked my horizon.

It was not until living like that for a while that I realized how much I craved a horizon. Whenever I would drive down out of the mountains into the valley that the nearest town was in, something in my spirit would feel like it could breathe again. I could see off in the distance. I could see where I was going.

I have realized that I feel the same way spiritually. I like to see where I’m going. I like to see what’s on the horizon of my walk with the Lord.

But the truth is, often times we don’t get to see our horizon. Often times we are stuck in a canyon, surrounded by mountains that we can’t see over. The sun sets early and we feel alone and discouraged in our ‘canyons’. We crave a horizon, a chance to look out and see where we are headed. We crave vision to see why this is happening and when it will be over.

It took a while for me to recognize that God was using that canyon to refine me. To build a stronger faith inside me. He blocks our horizon with ‘mountains’ not because He’s uncaring, but because we must learn that

Christ is our horizon.

His face is our sunshine.

Christ is with us in the canyons. If we can see our horizon on our own, we never fully surrender to Jesus. If I can see where I’m going, I rely on my own strength to get me there. It’s when I cannot see over the mountain that I finally acknowledge that I need Him. He becomes my horizon. My goal, my direction…my everything. And in Him my soul breathes again.

It is not a coincidence that during the season of my life while living in the wilderness, I also spent that season battling deep depression and wrestling with my faith in God’s goodness. The ‘mountains’ in my view were both physical and spiritual. But that canyon of difficulty did not last forever. God was so faithful! He was there, loving me and walking me through it. And it was in that process that my spirit learned the meaning of I lift my eyes up, up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2. My help does not come from my own strength, or in my trials being relieved…it comes from Him alone.

So find hope friends, if you are stuck in a canyon. Look up at His face. Focus on Him and not the mountains in your life. He knows where you are heading and He will guide you, because He loves you.

The Lord’s face, His presence, His faithfulness…come what may, that is our horizon.

-Kallie

Recently I discovered this note.  A remnant from my husband’s and my journey through the dark valley of unemployment. As I pulled it out of the drawer that it had hastily been stuffed into, memories washed over me. I’m glad that it got stuffed into that drawer, because I might have thrown it away back then. I probably wouldn’t have realized the significance of that simple piece of paper. But now, in hindsight, I know. I recognize this as a stone of remembrance. A way to look back and remember the tears I cried, the pain I felt and match it to the joy that Christ has restored in my life. This little scrap of paper is a way for me to celebrate God’s faithfulness.

It was written with tears streaming down my face. With utter despair filling my soul. My husband and I had taken a step of faith, following a very clear direction from God a year and a half earlier. And when I say step…I really mean enormous-leap-leave-your-paying-job-to-move-to-another-state-scared-outta-your-mind kinda thing!  We had trusted Him to provide, leaning on His name Jehovah Jireh {The Lord Provides}. And then, when no job was provided, despite our efforts, we watched our savings dwindle to nothing and fought the fear that rose up and threatened to swallow us.

Battling daily to trust.

Battling to not look at our circumstances and only look up at our Savior’s face.

The note was written when eviction from our home was imminent. When all hope seemed lost. I had nothing left.

And yet I had everything left. I just couldn’t see it.

My faith, beaten down and bloodied, rose up with a gasping breath and I picked myself up off the kitchen floor.  And I picked up a pen and wrote the note. It was a physical act of forcing my faith to not give up. 

Sometimes I need to force my flesh into action in order to remind my spirit of what is true. I raise my arms up when I worship to remind my spirit of the magnitude and majesty of who I sing too. I find I am the most surrendered in prayer when I literally get down on my knees and feel the ground beneath me. And in that desperate moment, I physically wrote out my plea to my God on a paper…to remind my faith that He is my provider. No one else. Only Him.

I put that note up on my refrigerator and every time I looked at it I felt my faith rise a little. And here’s the most amazing part.

He did prove Himself faithful.

He did prove to me that His name is Jehovah Jireh. It was a month of unexpected, miraculous blessings. Groceries showed up on our doorstep, cash showed up taped to our door, and every cent that we needed came through. Every cent. No more, no less. It was shocking and beautiful to watch Him work. Without anything else to crowd Him out, He orchestrated our provision in ways that only He could. All of it enabled my faith not only to rise up, but to also put down deep roots.

We lived that way for 4 months, writing out the exact financial need on a note and putting it on our refrigerator.  No job. No human way to make up that money. Nothing but faith. And each month He provided. Each month He proved His name to be true. And I will stand on that name until He takes me home.

Jehovah Jireh…My Lord Provides.

 Kallie