How Our Stories Fit Into THE Story

Category: Faith (Page 3 of 4)

When You’re Angry at God

I’ve been walking with Jesus a long time.  I love Him. Completely

But, even with this foundation of deep commitment and love…last year I went through a storm, and I did not weather it well.

My tender heart was still healing from a very bitter trial when the waves of another crashed over me…and they took me down. Ever felt like that? Trial upon trials have a way of demolishing you. I believe that’s why the enemy uses that tactic so often.

As the waves toppled me over, I chose anger. Real, gut-wrenching, ‘you’ve let me down’ anger.  And not anger at the people in my life…

Anger at my God.   

    Phonto                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    {photo credit, Jessica Gantenbein}

 

Oh friends, I was so angry at Him. My husband, had been jobless for months, and door after door of potential new jobs had been closed. Desperation began to set in. He then had an incredible potential job that we felt like God had brought to us. Things seemed to be looking up. He flew to Chicago and had a great interview. He was qualified. And then the phone call came that said no. As fragile hope was obliterated and I stared at an uncertain, impossible, dark future, I chose anger. It was a tempting fruit that falsely promised to make my raw heart feel better…and I took it. From my human perspective, my God  had allowed this pain and left me.

In Psalm 22, David begins with “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from my deliverance and from my words of groaning? My God, I cry by day but You do not answer…

I so identified with those pain-filled words. I was there, crying at the kitchen sink, crying in the school pick-up line, crying with no answer. 

But the psalm doesn’t end there. Something happened between the beginning and end of these prose. David ends with awe-filled praise. “I will proclaim Your name to my brothers; I will praise you in the congregation…For He has not despised or detested the torment of the afflicted. He did not hide His face from him but listened when he cried to Him for help.”

He did not hide His face.

He did not hide.

How did David go from feeling that God had forsaken him to proclaiming that He had not hidden His face??

It felt like He was hiding His face from me. But that was because I had picked up anger like a hooded cloak and it blocked out His face. I chose to look at my anger rather than deal with the pain. I trusted anger to hold me together, because the enemy whispered that I had been wrong about Him all along. Whispered that maybe He was going to leave my life in shambles. The lies of fear shackled me to the anger that kept me from seeing His un-hidden face.

But my story doesn’t end there. Just like David, something happened to my heart between the hurt and the healing. At that time I was captive. I had chosen anger and it had bound me up. Here’s truth though: He comes for the captives. Always. It’s who He is.

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Galatians 5:1

 

A good friend, prompted by the Holy Spirit, gave me this note…20160223_082321

If we are faithless, he remains faithful-for he cannot deny himself.

2 Timothy 2:13

I read that verse and, still very angry at God, was tempted to throw it physically in the trash. I didn’t agree with it in my pain.  But love for my sweet friend kept me from such an act. I did however, push it back on my counter, hiding it under other papers. The verse, now tumbling around in my head, felt like salt on an open wound. He is faithful??? NO. NO. NO.

The next day, standing in my kitchen making peanut butter sandwiches for my kids, my God drew near to me, spoke to my spirit, and asked me to surrender. To lay down the heavy anger that I was carrying.   I resisted, telling Him that I didn’t know how. But as I wept all over those pb&j’s, my heart gave way, walls cracked a bit.

I took the post-it note and put it on my refrigerator. That was all the surrender I felt capable of. Truthfully, I didn’t really want it there. Every time I would go to open the fridge I would see it. And, at first, my reaction was bitter. Every time I would think “God, How is this being faithful??” But the beautiful thing is that once we surrender, even a little,  we allow God to reveal to us how faithful He really is. He showed me that. I believe that is what happened to David in that psalm. Surrender, which then brought freedom to see our God’s un-hidden face!

I learned that I did not have to get over my anger.  I just had to surrender it to Him. He was the one who took care of it. My anger did not scare Him, or make Him love me any less. Your anger doesn’t either. He is the ALMIGHTY. The King of Kings. Our anger doesn’t scare Him, it just separates us from Him.  His faithfulness is not contingent on ours.  He is always faithful because it’s who He is. But you and I do not get to see that faithfulness in our lives until we surrender. Until we release our hurt hearts. Our anger.

 

So, the post-it note stayed on my fridge. And the Living Words on it began to work in my heart.  It was slow work, but friends, I began to see Him in the small graces of my days, finding Him to be a comfort on hard days, realizing He was the source of some incredible blessings. He was and is so good to me.  I see Him now, I see how He was faithful to me even when I was not.

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                                                                                                                                                                             {photo credit, Jessica Gantenbein}

That verse is now written on my heart in a way that only He could do. His tremendous love for me, for us, continues to amaze me. Continues to heal me. Continues to sustain me.

He restores all things.

He is faithful, AND He did not hide His face from me!

-Kallie

 

Total Loss?

Today we welcome our friend Jackie Adams to the blog as a guest author. She is a life coach who is passionate about encouraging transformative change through her ministry with women and her work with non-profits. Using the skill of coaching, she is helping others discover for themselves the next steps for transformative growth.

My car was rendered a total loss from an accident a few weeks ago where a distracted driver traveling at a high rate of speed hit my car and then went air born landing on the car in front of us.

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By God’s grace and protection EVERYONE including the driver walked away from the accident. Thankfully the injuries to our bodies were minimal.

The anxiety from the accident would require me to step up to the mental gymnastics mat with the goal of sticking the landing in getting behind the wheel to drive again. Several first attempts weren’t worthy of a score, but by the end of the week they weren’t a total loss either.

Total Loss of a Missed Opportunity

What was a total loss for me was the missed opportunity to go to Mt. Hermon (I’d never been!) and to share with the women at the Church of the Foothills Women’s retreat on Peace (John 14:27). Their theme passage in the gospel of John is where Jesus is telling His disciples that he was leaving; and that He was giving them His peace.

He went on to distinguish that the peace He would leave them was not worldly peace, and to instruct them to not let their hearts be troubled.

I had spent many hours pouring over this passage and others to help the women understand the purpose for knowing this peace, helping them see the picture of what this peace is and what it isn’t, pointing them to Jesus’ plan for His perfect peace through His forgiveness, and then finally showing the part that we play in living out this peace.

But because of the accident, this was a total loss for me. All the time and preparation, the visual aids, the props were now a total loss. Some of them shattered in the accident.

Our Unstoppable God in the midst of Loss

As the brevity of the accident and the total loss of not going to the retreat settled on my heart, I had peace and my heart was not troubled. The prayers on our (my friend and passenger Gretchen’s) behalf were definitely felt and so appreciated and brought us His comfort. It is and was indescribable surpassing our understanding (Phil. 4:7, ESV).

Gretchen and I experienced the kindness of two women on their way to the retreat (Kristi and Michelle who had just driven by the accident) who would not be deterred from helping us. They were on a mission to get us to the retreat safely! But their presence was much more than that as we described to them at the time they were like “Jesus with skin on for us”.

As much as we (both Gretchen and I) thought we were able, as the time marched on, we began to see how difficult it would have been for us to keep going on to the retreat. Getting checked out by a doctor on the advice of the CHP and the tow truck driver for potential internal injuries had to be our priority. As we hugged and said goodbye to Kristi and Michelle, them going on to the retreat and Gretchen and I going to the Emergency Room, we had peace about not being at the retreat.

The women’s ministry team, already on site at the retreat began praying for us a soon as they heard of the accident. Their prayers for us were felt and again brought us peace that they would with God’s help find a solution to the problem of what to do now that they had no speaker.

Our decision to get checked out at the ER instead of going on to the retreat left the team totally dependent on God. Their faithfulness to prayer and obedience in the face of a total loss of a speaker became a beautiful picture of dependence on God.

In the midst of loss, our unstoppable God’s plan moved forward. The women’s ministry team, the Mount Hermon staff and the women attending the retreat went into prayer action asking God to reveal His plan.

Faithful and true to who He is – the Lord provided and several women shared their God stories and their certainty in the peace of Jesus through their total losses. They shared five things God had shown them through His Word on peace. They shared the Gospel, they offered communion and they shared with each other how they had seen the women’s ministry team go to prayer, rely on the Lord and how they saw them lead it out!

After the retreat ended I had a chance to meet with Sandy the retreat coordinator. The excitement and light of Jesus was so evident in her remembrance of what our unstoppable God had just accomplished at the retreat in the midst of total loss. “For nothing is impossible with God” (Luke 1:37, ESV).

Hearing how relationships were strengthened, new relationships formed, and their experience of genuine unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace (Ephesians 4:4, ESV) was such an encouragement to me.

Good News of Great Joy

But the good news came as she shared that nine women made decisions to either rededicate their lives to Jesus or give their life to Jesus for the first time! Praise the Lord!

Even in my missed opportunity to be at Mount Hermon getting to meet, share and love on these women how could I not share in the good news of great joy of what God did?!!

What was very evident to me is the plans of God are unstoppable even in the midst of loss and the peace of God is possible even in the midst of loss!

God’s unstoppable plan for a future (eternity) and hope (today) went forth in the midst of loss. While I wouldn’t want to have to go through an accident again, I am thankful and grateful for what God accomplished through the faithful obedience of the women at the retreat, committed to the cause of Christ.

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope” (Jer. 29:11, ESV).

-JackieJackie Red shirt

You can read more from Jackie on her personal blog www.jackieadams.org

 

 

Worship in the storm

Sometimes our days run one into the other, and before we know it, winter has turned to spring. Our precious children another year older, and we say the time-honored cliché, “Oh, where have the days gone?”

Other moments are forever imprinted on our memories. And we stop. We reflect. We remember. We reminisce our wedding day, the birth of our children, special trips with family. We are nostalgic for first kisses, falling in love, our most embarrassing moments, our first childhood friend.

As we enter into the month of February, my mind goes to that reflection place, to two Februarys ago.

It’s those difficult memories of life’s challenges that define me,

that make my faith strong, that deepen my well of trust in my Father.

And when you get to the other side of something tumultuous, the mundane tasks become something to savor, the sky sunnier, ice cream tastes better, and little moments that before were not even noteworthy, become precious gems in our day to day life.

I don’t always want to think back on the difficult seasons, but for February, it feels significant to remember. To remind myself of the challenge… and the God given victory that followed.

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Here’s my story. But first I need to back up a few months before that February. Now at this time I am 18 years as a wife. I am a mom, lover of Jesus, and my blessed husband pastors a church. Needless to say, I am all in for God. Or at least I thought I was. Until God encountered my life and turned me upside down…. or rather, right side up.

It was one of the biggest moments of my life so far, right up there with birthing my precious girls and declaring vows on my wedding day. God fanned the flame of my love and desire for Him that nothing else could satisfy. There just became not enough hours in the day to spend in His presence. Things that seemed like priorities before, dimmed in comparison to worship, prayer and reading the word. I felt like one of those “odd duck” Christians that I couldn’t really relate to before. I did not ask for this. I did not pray for it. I said a simple yes to one convicting thought that was actually quite immature on my part. I said “yes.”

And He changed my life.

And only a few short months later everything fell apart. My husband’s on/off battle with panic disorder came to a raging head. What would normally be a few-hour panic attack, turned into days and then weeks.

Even nights did not bring relief from the fear and panic that I could so clearly see on his face. We prayed hourly. We read scripture. We called the doctor. We stood our ground from the onslaught of the enemy. And no relief came. Only survival. Time stood still. Leaving the house became a chore. Working and ministry ceased.

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God knew I needed to be walking in an intimacy with Him like never before in order to bear up under the pressure of it all. That I needed to know His voice in a deep way to lead me through each day as crisis after crisis came barreling at us.

I needed to be anchored in Him to allow me to be the anchor for my husband and my girls.

My husband has always been my rock and the spiritual leader of our home. Those roles became completely reversed, and we entered into a paradigm I had not known before. God knew what I would need in order to carry me through this journey.

There are countless moments of redemption from that season. For the longest time I kept a running list of all the ways God took care of us. The people He put in our path at just the right moment, the endless support of family, friends, and loved ones.

The sweetest redemption of all was how loud God’s voice became in my heart and mind. I did not waiver on what He was asking me to do, simply because I had never heard Him like that before.

Although I barely left my husband’s side those 40 some-odd days, I did attend church. It was my refuge, my place of solace. I’m not sure if God whispered to me first or I told him, but I committed to worshiping Him at the altar until my husband had breakthrough in his fear and anxiety. Every week, for six weeks, completely uncomfortable, I would get out of my seat, kneel at the altar in front of hundreds of people, with tears streaming down my face, and tell Jesus I loved Him, that I would keep loving Him, even though day after day the answer was still no, or wait, or not yet.

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At one point I told my husband that we were going to have a worship party when it was all over. And then I heard God say, “Worship me now.” Although I had no clue how that was going to work, I invited some powerful prayer warriors over, not knowing if my husband would even be able to make an appearance.

And that was the day God gave us victory, and Lance started to improve. That was the weekend he was able to return to church to preach. That was the beginning of the end of the 40 some-odd days of shear terror for my husband.

It’s not easy to worship God in the storm. I would like to think I would have, regardless of what God had done in my heart only a few months before. There is a part of me though that doubts, a big part.

God knows what we need. He knows what is necessary to prepare us for every valley and mountaintop.

He knows the next chapter. He knows the refining process to put you right in position for your calling. He knows what we need to obtain before that next journey and every “y” in the road.  He knows because He is the potter and we are the clay. He knows!!

Whatever you are facing today, I encourage you to worship in the storm and watch the raging, storming seas turn into dry land!

Suzi

mom and dad couple headshot

Suzi has been partnering with her husband, Pastor Lance Hahn in building Bridgeway Christian Church in Rocklin, CA since 1998.  She is a woman of wisdom with a passion for prayer and encouraging the Body of Christ. She is the mother of two girls, ages 15 and 11 and enjoys speaking about practical help for real life. Recent doors have opened for ministry through writing devotionals, blogs and encouragements online. She is devoted to spending her life pursuing God and lifting up those around her.

 

 

choose REST

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January is a peculiar month because it combines the fresh energy of new beginnings with a deep, underlying weariness from holiday busyness.  The fresh energy always tempts me to pick up twelve new projects or make multiple resolutions.

Can you relate?

Have you ever wondered why our New Year’s resolutions fizzle out so quickly?

I think there’s a direct connection to the fact that Western culture has forgotten how to – REST.

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Tim Keller wrote an excellent article for Q titled: Wisdom and Sabbath Rest.  In it he discusses our innate need for soul-level (Sabbath) rest.  And that simply turning ‘off’ work or turning ‘on’ leisure will not quench it.

Practicing rest takes intentionality and discipline.  Keller outlines the following internal disciplines:

  • Rest is an act of liberation [I’m not defined by my work/ministry/commitments]
  • Rest is an act of trust [I’m not the one who keeps the world running]

And pairs them with external practices:

  • Build more Sabbath time into your schedule
  • Balance the ways in which you partake in Sabbath time, and make a point to include contemplation [the process of reminding yourself of the story of who you are]
  • Be accountable for Sabbath time

Friends, I’ve read this article and listened to the related podcast (Work and Rest) a dozen times.  Honestly, I’ll probably review it a dozen more. It’s taking that long for my project-driven mind to soak up the truth of what my soul really needs – REST.

I feel an urgency to saturate these concepts in January because, as I look forward to 2016, I want to engage with the year in a new way.

Too often my primary focus is goals and activities.  I think this is probably true for most of us.

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This year I want to use the tools Keller outlined to anchor my heart with the story of who I am.

Will you join me?

It seems fitting to begin by reminding ourselves of the story of who we are. Here are a few of my favorite identity statements:

    • We are free. (Redeemed by Christ. No longer bound to the slavery of self-absorption.)
    • We are enough. (We don’t have to prove ourselves worthy – ever!)
    • We are royalty. (Sons and daughters of the Most High King. Sisters and brothers to one another.)
    • We are chosen. (He chose us before the dawn of time. Our lives have purpose and meaning.)
Please take a moment to comment with your own. Let’s hold each other accountable as we engage with 2016 in a new way.
Laura

Understanding Ashes

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately. Looking back while pondering the way forward.

Although my little family is in a new and good chapter, I can’t help but look back at the road we feel God has led us on and wonder at it. It’s been a strange route, and definitely not one I would have picked for myself. My eyes see something that resembles failure. I look back to 8 years ago, when my husband and I both laid down our careers to follow God on an adventure. It was a direct and very clear call to follow and we went whole-heartedly and expectantly. We went joyfully. But now…now joy is harder to find. The adventure has been wrought with trial. More than I could have ever imagined. The expectations that we once had are gone and although my faith claims it is not so, it appears that we have been left with nothing but failure. Nothing but ashes.

There’s this verse I have displayed in my home…

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Trust in the Lord…

It’s simple one, and yet,
I still find that I struggle to trust and desperately want to understand on my own!

 

Sometimes, when I look around and can’t understand what God is doing, my questioning heart hears whispered lies...

“Hmmm, maybe your shepherd isn’t doing a good job?” “You’ve given enough don’t you think, and you have nothing to show for it. Hold back. Stop following completely.” “You deserve better, so you should take back control.”

Do you sometimes hear those lies too? It’s the age-old ‘tempting fruit’…and some days I just want to reach up and take it.  Falsely promised ‘control‘ hangs low on the branch, and always looks like the best option in my life. 
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It feels good to my wounded, painful places to take back control. Even if it’s false control.

Thankfully, the voice of my good and faithful Savior, {the One who saves me from myself over and over again,} speaks clearly, and cuts through the untruths…

Your perspective of failure is not truth.

I have a plan, and I will work all these things for good.

Trust me beloved.

 In your surrender, I will make beauty from ash.

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Maybe my ashes are not exactly what they appear to be.  Maybe the fruit that I am tempted to pick off the branch isn’t either.

Friends, if we want our King to breathe new life in us, to make our ashes into something beautiful, we cannot hold back. Not anything. We must be brave. We must stop trying to self-preserve. We must love Him with abandon. I realize if you have come through something painful and your heart is still tender, this is so hard. You may not really feel like loving with abandon or trusting at all.   Sweet friend, He knows. He sees and He understands. If you’re staring at ash in your life right now,  just know that the way through it is Him.

And He is a gentle refuge.

It helps me to remember times when He has taken apparent failures and made something beautiful; times when I have not plucked the fruit of control off the branch but instead chosen surrender…

*In a badly broken relationship, when I allowed forgiveness to truly take root, God brought forth a new and beautiful friendship with that very same person. It was stronger and deeper than the original and more beautiful because of the ashes it came from.

*After enduring some of the shame of financial strife, I was able to look into the eyes of another that were clouded with despair, and remind her that her identity is not based on her bank account or ability to buy nice things. To be the one who reminds her she is not alone in a way that only comes from having walked that road before…Beauty from my ashes.

*Even Jesus on the cross, died in apparent failure only to rise and conquer death. Glorious beauty from ash.

He takes what’s wrong and makes it right. It’s what He does. Who He is.  You and I just have to take our eyes off that tempting fruit of self-preservation and control. Our hearts must yield to His will. It’s the only way and anything that promises otherwise is a lie. Without the surrender, all we have is ugly grey dust. We must trust Him with our ashes.  He is an excessive, abundant God and never wastes anything. So together let’s trust, lean, and wait on Him. He’s working in you and me, and if you let Him, that ash in your hands, will become something beautiful in His. And I can’t wait to see it!

 Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

 

-Kallie

When life becomes something you never imagined

We are honored to welcome today’s guest author – Kim Fredrickson. We quoted Kim’s book in last week’s “Mommy Guilt” story and were thrilled when she agreed to follow up with a story of her own.  Kim developed a strong reputation for encouraging people through her lifelong work with counseling, teaching, speaking, and writing.  Then, in 2013, word spread of Kim’s cancer diagnosis and people couldn’t help but wonder how she would respond. You see, while Kim was always known for her gentleness and compassion, she was also known for an unfailing trust in God. Would that trust be altered when her life story hit rock bottom? Here’s her story…


In July of 2013 I received some shocking news…”

I’m so sorry to tell you that you have breast cancer. You have an appointment with a surgeon in two days, and the following week you will have surgery.” What a shock to receive that call! I found the lump myself, after having a clean mammogram 9 months before.

Thus began a life changing journey…and believe it or not, this turned out to be the easy part.

After successfully completing treatment for breast cancer at the beginning of March 2014, I was so relieved and looking forward to getting back into my life of counseling, writing and speaking. About 4 days later I noticed I couldn’t take a deep breath. After lots of tests, biopsy, and doctor visits I was diagnosed with a serious and rare side effect from the chemotherapy. My lungs were significantly damaged as a result of the treatment, and require me to be on supplemental oxygen 24/7.

Only 1-2% of women end up with this type of side effect. Not only will this disease (pulmonary fibrosis) not get better, it is progressive and is terminal. As you can imagine, this has been quite a shock, and has turned my world upside down.

WHY

This is not the end of the story of course, because God is in the picture.

Throughout this process I was blessed with a publishing contract from Revell Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, to publish my book, Give Yourself a Break – Turning Your Inner Critic into a Compassionate Friend, which was released in July. I’m so grateful for this opportunity, and am really pleased with this book.

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My heart is to help others through these difficult times of life…especially when your world gets turned upside down, as mine has. I had a choice to make…amidst a lot of grief (which continues) about how I would handle such a rough diagnosis with such an uncertain future. As I sought God and listened to my heart, I felt compelled to share with others HOPE in the midst of difficult, unexpected and uncertain times. My transition through the grief process was not a pretty one…but it was real and honoring to myself.

I’ve learned some things about how to keep going and even thrive when your life becomes something you never imagined. I know there is more to learn about adjusting and accepting something so difficult, while still staying connected to God, myself and others.

Clinging to God continues to be my lifeline, as well as the prayers and support of so many. Another key factor is the supportive relationship I have with myself. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I told my self, “I’m going to be a very good friend to myself” during this process. When being diagnosed with pulmonary fibrosis this became even more important. Having yourself as a loving advocate and compassionate friend as you go through the ups and downs of life is absolutely essential.

I would definitely not have chosen this path, but I now welcome what God can do in the midst of it.

We often don’t get a choice about what comes our way.  We always have a choice about how we respond to it; how we treat others, and ourselves; and whether we turn toward God or away from Him.

I still grieve in smaller ways most every day. I also try to have as optimistic and hopeful a perspective as I can, realizing that what has happened to my health, counseling practice and my life is only part of the bigger picture – because of God.

Of course it’s not like I know what these greater purposes are now …but here is what I do know:

  • God is good (James 1:17)
  • He will work things together for ultimate good (Rom 8:28)
  • He will give me the strength to handle whatever is happening to me (Phil 4:13; Is 58:11)
  • He will use what is happening to me to affect others, for good or bad (2 Cor 1:3-5)
  • It is up to me to cling to Him and use his love, power, strength and contentment to handle what is happening in the most positive way I can (Phil 4:13)
  • I won’t do any of this perfectly, nor do I need to
  • God uses and strengthens people who are broken and needy (Is 58:11) much more than those who are “together” and self-sufficient.
  • If I allow Him, God will use these tough times to grow me into a more mature, solid, and deep person (Rom 5:3-5).
  • God is good and gives me what I need as I need it (Phil 4:19)

I am trusting God to use these damaged lungs, using supplemental oxygen to give my body the oxygen it needs, to offer HOPE, Optimism and Self-Compassion…in the realness of life.

I recently spoke to a college class about How to Walk Through Pain and Suffering in Our Lives. It is on YouTube if you’d like to watch or listen. Please feel free to share this with someone you know could use encouragement and help

I know the details of your story may be very different from mine…but there are many similarities we probably share. I send you hugs and my compassion for whatever you are going through. Life can be difficult, but we don’t have to go it alone.

Cling to God; Reach out to Others for Support; Be a Compassionate Friend to Yourself. This is not the end of your story, or His Story through you.

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-Kim

Kim is the author of Give Yourself a Break: Turning Your Inner Critic into a Compassionate Friend. She enjoys sharing about the transforming power of self-compassion integrated with our faith through her blog Self-Compassion for Real Life, speaking (locally or over Skype) and radio interviews.

 

Refuse to Pray for Normal

 

 

Amber is a dear friend who loves and wholeheartedly serves Jesus. She and her beautiful family followed His calling and left their home in Northern California to go care for the orphans and widows of Mexico. They founded S.O.W. Ministries(Serving Orphans & Widows Ministries) that cares for, loves, provides prayer & meets needs to make life better for those around them! She shares with us how God has revealed Himself to her as she walks the path He has her on.

 

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Do you ever find yourself praying for normal? I do.

After a really hectic busy month I find myself saying: “I can’t wait for everything to calm down and get back to normal.” Or, after a health scare, traveling, the holidays, or any trial… I find myself praying “Dear God, can’t my life just be normal!?!”

To be honest, I am not sure what I mean by ‘normal’. I’m probably not the best judge of normal. About 2 and half years ago my family packed up and moved to Mexico to volunteer at a free daycare. We have since volunteered at an orphanage and now are running our own non-profit/ministry that helps orphans and widows. NOTHING about the past 3 years of my life has been normal. However, in the past 3 years I have seen the hand of God move in MIGHTY ways!

I wouldn’t trade a day of His plan for my normal!

Last year was especially abnormal. In 2014: we moved 2 times, we had a flood in our kitchen, we lived for 6 weeks with no stove, oven or hot water, my then 9 year old son fell off his bike and had a severe skull fracture, our puppy broke her leg, we had 4 flat tires, our car broke down in Northern California and our 5 day trip turned into 21 days, and someone mysteriously ran into and knocked down a wall in our driveway. These are just the highlights of MANY crazy circumstances that occurred. To add to our chaos the Lord called us away from a ministry we were very comfortable in to a very BIG leap of faith! We never thought we would be serving in Mexico, let alone starting our own ministry. But one step at a time, this is where God has led us, and it is really remarkable to look back at how He provided and guided each step of the way!IMG_0682

If I’m really being honest, one of the biggest areas I find myself praying for normal is with/for my kids. My son Kyler is 10 and daughter Lexie is 8. They are total opposites! Kyler has never met a stranger and makes LOTS of friends everywhere we go. Lexie is very sweet, but is much happier to sing, draw, and play with babies than have actual contact with real people. Although she has her handful of friends, she prefers playing by herself.

My husband and I seem to have a recurring dialogue on long car rides about the lack of “normal” in their life. We homeschool so they don’t have a “normal” school, they don’t play “normal” organized team sports, they don’t have a “normal” routine-our schedule is CONSTANTLY changing as the needs of the people we help are. But when I look at the trade off of what they are getting in replacement of “normal” I see kids who are getting to live in and experience another culture. They meet kids from LOTS of different backgrounds at all the orphanages we work with and I can see that it is shaping them to be more compassionate and generous.  I see life skills developing in them that are incredible; the ability to problem solve, being attentive to others needs, translating, improvising… Most of all they are consistently put in a position to serve others and to be a part of ministry. They pray for others, serve others, give gifts, listen, and SEE God work miracles through provision, healing, and answered prayers. Their faith is not formed from what we teach them in Sunday school, but built on what they live out in their own version of “normal”.

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When I put things in perspective I realize that I would never replace Gods plan for my version of normal! So why do I sometimes ask for it or sometimes beg for it? Because I’m a work in progress. Because life is really hard sometimes. Because I look at other people that I consider to be “normal” and I only see the good things; the beautiful new house, the soccer star, the expensive family vacation where everyone is smiling… But that’s not normal. It’s just a pretty piece of their puzzle, it fits together with pieces of heart ache, frustration and fear just like mine. When we decided to move to Mexico 3 years ago my prayers were “Lord, provide a way! Give me the patience to wait when you close the door and the bold strength to walk through the door that you open.” That prayer hasn’t changed much. Each step the Lord is directing me further and further away from my normal, and closer and closer to Him. To a place of dependency, a place of deep faith, a place filled with the EXTRAORDINARY things of Jesus Christ!

My prayer for you dear friend is not for normal, but for God’s perfect, amazing, sometimes scary plan to unfold in miraculous ways! They say all miracles first start with big problems. I am grateful for the big problems that God has used in miraculous ways. I’m not saying we should pray for problems, but if you want to experience God’s miracles you will probably face some trials. Take heart my friend, He is faithful! His ways are beyond our comprehension.  His plan for you is not “normal”, it is extraordinary. You were not created to blend in, but you have been called out, to be set apart for GREAT things that He wants to do in and through you!

 

 

-Amber Owen

 

living in mission

Jasmine Underland  is a Seattle mom of 2 kids with another on the way!   She and her husband, Norm have supported each other through grad school, seminary, parenthood, various jobs and adventures in Thailand.  She writes candidly about finding purpose in whatever context we find ourselves.

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I was so encouraged and inspired by reading  this blog  a couple weeks ago when I read “Wherever He Places Us.” I could so relate. It was my story.

When I was in junior high I went to a missions conference and was inspired to be a missionary – but what I really think was that God was giving me a desire to love and help others.  In high school I went to Mexico every year to build houses and those years were life changing.  We thought ministry overseas was going to be our story.

Not too long ago,  Norm and I up and took our family to Thailand.  The idea was for him to teach at a school in the village where his Mom is from but the whole thing ended in disaster.  The kids and I got sick, we fought with his Mom and never even met with anyone at the school.  After two weeks we came back to Seattle.  We had been desperate for a change, we were barely making it here and felt like we weren’t doing anything “worth while”.  We rushed into things saying to ourselves, “hey why not?”…and it just didn’t work.

Now we’re back in Seattle and Norm is back on track to become a pastor (where we started years ago in college).  Over the years I have struggled with this feeling that I am not doing something “worth while.”   Over the years I’ve worked at various jobs.   Here in Seattle I worked as the Children’s Ministry Coordinator at our church for a short time but ended up feeling overwhelmed with a toddler and new baby. We recently moved to West Seattle for Norm to be closer to his job I was eventually hired to be an evening receptionist.

Sure, when I was in college taking Bible classes everyday it made sense that once I graduated I would be in full time ministry.  However it just doesn’t always work that way, whether you get a degree in a small Christian school or a large Liberal Arts school.  My husband got a degree in Pastoral Ministry and he still feels called to that (and is quite gifted as well), so he continues down the endless road of education and I completely support him.  For me though, I don’t necessarily feel “called” to have a particular position in a church somewhere or mission field over seas; so I have often wrestled with wondering if I am where I should be or doing what I should be.  Sure, I don’t want to work at the front desk of an office for the rest of my life but I have accepted that this is where I am now and wherever I am I can carry out God’s mission for my life, which is simply to love people.

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More so than where I’m working though I feel this conviction at home.  In about 4 months I will be a mother of 3!  I have come to really love and gain joy from caring for my family, cleaning our house, preparing meals.  I am far from perfect though.  I get really impatient at times and yell at my kids and then of course feel horrible.  I am learning more and more that if I can’t show grace, love and patience to my own children, how can I truly love the people in my community?  I believe that God is training me and shaping me through the small things I face each day.  How will I react when my 4 year old glares at me or screams at me?  What will I do when my 7 year old talks back or takes FOREVER just to put on his shoes in the morning?  When I have all these things plus a newborn to nurse and change…wow, what will life look like then?  This is a daily, no hourly struggle for me.  The first mission God has given me is to love Him with all my heart, then my husband and children, and then the world around me.

You might be in Egypt or Saudi Arabia or Honduras…or you might be in Seattle like me, struggling through each day and trying to keep your cool.  Wherever you are, live out your mission.  Love God, love people.  It sounds simple but is far from it.  That’s why we are also called to live in community, to encourage one another and do life TOGETHER.

-Jasmine

Messy Brushstrokes

IMG_1480I sat at my art easel the other day, brush full of paint and poised to place another stroke on my painting. But there was nothing more to add. It was finished. I placed my brush down and walked to the other side of the room. And turned. That’s my favorite moment. The one when I stand back and observe my finished painting. When all that I wanted to create from inside of me is finally out on the canvas, and I get to enjoy it. Gaze upon it and sigh that deep sigh.  Satisfaction. Joy.

I am an artist…although that’s a strange title for me to accept. I’ve always been creative, but it wasn’t until 2 years ago that I stumbled on a hidden talent and passion to paint wall art.IMG_1467

This passion was discovered when I wanted a particular style of art for my living room and couldn’t afford to buy it. So, in typical DIY form, I decided to try and make something similar myself. Grabbing my craft paint brush and some leftover clumpy paint I began to create. It was a surreal moment with God in which I believe He pulled back the curtain and showed me this part of myself I knew nothing about! To be completely honest, I was shocked.

When I paint, I feel I am walking in step with my Maker. I feel His joy as He watches me, His child, mimic my Heavenly Dad. And it’s through this new found expression that I discovered yet another glimpse of His ways and character.

 

He is the Great Artist. The First and the Last Artist.

You and I are His masterpiece. You.

All of creation and you.

I’ve painted a particular painting 4 times, and although they are all of the exact same object, they are all different. They are all separate creations that involved labor and time and care and love. The same is true of our Artist. He labors and cares and spends time with and loves each of His creations…not for their sameness, but for their individuality.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.. -Psalm 139 :13

Something I have found in painting, is that there is so much power in perspective. It’s not unusual for me to be in the middle of a project, and feel discouraged by it. I typically start to believe that my artistic abilities have completely disappeared and that the painting is completely terrible! Until my husband comes into the room and reminds me to take a step back and look at it from the other side of the room. It NEVER fails to amaze me how much better it looks. Always. I cannot see the whole piece and it’s value when I’m inches from the brushstrokes. It always looks messy that close. It always seems like I have no idea what I’m doing!! But, when I step back, the brushstrokes meld into something good, something to be displayed.IMG_0937

The same is true of us. I am way too close to my circumstances to see anything but mess. And sometimes, when I can’t make sense of what He is ‘painting,’ I tell God about it…telling Him about the mess He’s making in this project called my life! He always  graciously reminds me that the Painting cannot tell the Artist how or what to paint. The Artist sees it differently. His perspective holds a promise that all the circumstances meld into something good, something to be displayed, something beautiful.

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 Recently, I delivered another painting of the California State Capitol to the Speaker of the State Assembly. As I walked in I felt God give me  a glimpse of His perspective. Two years ago I didn’t realize I could paint art, and here I was delivering my artwork for the fourth time to the state capitol! There have been many times over the last two years that I have deeply doubted my ability. I have grumbled about painting this building! I have even complained to God that this is messy and not what I had planned for my career! And then, He gave me a glimpse at what He’s painting, the doors He’s opening, the work He’s doing and I’m amazed again. This is evidence of the Master Artist in my life! I never would have even dreamed this path, this part of the artwork up!

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I never create a piece of art and then hang it in the back of a closet!  My clients that commission me do not hang their art pieces in hidden places. Rather, they display them in places where the art will be seen and enjoyed. As the artist, there is such great joy for me to watch my creation being displayed and praised.  Can you imagine how much more joy our Creator receives when you and I display what He has done in us?

Come and see the wonders of God; His acts for humanity are awe-inspiring. Psalm 66:5 

When we declare His goodness towards us, when we reveal the Artist’s signature on our lives, when we show how He made a painful scar into something divinely creative…When we display the GOOD work that He has started in us, I’m positive that He smiles. He sings over us. He enjoys.

I’m not always grateful in the moment for the ‘brushstrokes’ the Artist places on my story. There are trials  and suffering that seem messy and horrible to my human eyes. But there have also been glorious moments when I’ve glimpsed some of the beauty He’s already completed. I am a painting in progress and am learning to be content and hopeful as He paints.IMG_1472

And friends, someday, He will faithfully put that last brushstroke on you and say “Well done my good and faithful one.”

 

And you will be perfectly, stunningly, beautiful.

 

 

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.    

 —Philippians 1:6

 

-Kallie

 

Anchored

I’ve been thinking about a lot about “anchors” lately.  I know, random.  Stay with me.

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I was fifteen years old. My family and I were on our FIRST (and LAST) houseboating trip ever. I have many fantastic memories of family vacations growing up, but this – let’s just say these were not our BEST moments. Something about 11 family members stuck together on one boat, combined with a lack of expertise in mauevering a vessel this size, and a series of unfortunate events made it quite a stressful adventure…we can all laugh about it now.

The sun had set on the water and we were all tired from our first day. Dad & Uncle had set the anchor down to keep us from drifting overnight and we laid down to rest.  We hadn’t slept but a few hours when we heard grandma hollering out for my dad. He jumped out of bed to find that our boat had indeed drifted a long way from where we thought we were and the back of the boat was scraping along some large boulders on the shore. We helped push ourselves away from the rocky crag and upon later investigation realized we had not anchored to the bottom of the river as we thought, but instead to a large tree that had been floating deep in the river and was now entangled in our anchor.

How did that happen??? No idea. We banged on that tree trunk with every tool we could find, but could not get it off our anchor. UNTIL….get this! As the sun shone that morning, random “angels” arrived in the form of a fishing boat full of drunk guys with a chainsaw. ? ?.   We didn’t ask questions, we were just thankful they could help us. The anchor was freed and our vacation came to a premature close.

Lesson learned: know what you are anchoring in to!

 


 

I reflected on this story as I came across this scene a couple months ago while on a retreat at Lake Tahoe.

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Boats…all different shapes and sizes. (Was there a houseboat among them I wondered ?) They were all  tied to the buoys. Securely anchored. In line….momentarily waiting. Waiting for their captains to take them on their next adventure in the open waters.

In a strange way- I could identify with those boats as they waited, bouncing up and down on the ripple of passing waves.

I’m with Laura (see her post “Waiting”   ). I don’t like waiting.

Our family is in a season of waiting….my husband has been faithfully working on his ph.d for five years now and three of those years have been on this dang dissertation. Edit after edit, re-write after re-write, reading book after book, hours and hours of writing: it is the song that NEVER ends.

His perseverance has amazed me. He’s worked incredibly hard and we have cheered him on, but we are ALL ready for this intense season to be over. As of last week another “final” draft has been turned in and we WAIT for the response of the committee as to whether THIS is the version that will end this particular long, painful voyage.

I tend to WAIT impatiently. Wait with fear. Wait overcome with anxiety at all the “what ifs?”.

What is the posture by which we should WAIT?

Maybe it goes back to that anchor….being ANCHORED while we WAIT.

Anchored into a STRONG foundation.

Anchored to who we know God to be. (“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10)

Anchored in the HOPE that the one who designed this ship, is also the captain of it. He knows where we’re headed and how to get there. He knows what new adventures are ahead. He knows what repairs are needed here, in the waiting before we’re ready for the next voyage.

Are you in a season of WAITING too? May we not be tossed to and fro by the waves of fear or find ourselves anchoring to the wrong thing that leaves us drifting and crashing.

But rather, WAIT anchored strong, firm and steadfast to the knowledge of the character of our God. Though our circumstances change… He never changes. He’s a secure foundation.

 

“We who have taken refuge would have strong encouragement to take hold of the hope set before us.

This hope we have as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” Hebrews 6:19

 –Alyssa

 

 

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