How Our Stories Fit Into THE Story

Author: Kallie McKean (Page 2 of 3)

Our Envelope


20150924_142423The envelope showed up at the beginning of February.

The doorbell rang as we were sitting around our worn dinner table. I don’t remember what we were eating, but we had just finished bowing our heads and thanking God for the food. It wasn’t fancy food…but we were thankful for it. Finances were sparse again. Unemployment was plaguing us again.  Again…that word added weight to a difficult situation. Stress and fatigue had etched itself into my husband’s handsome face.  Despair stood knocking on the door of my heart.  We had been walking by faith, doing our best to trust that a job was in our future. On this particular weekday though, it felt as if our hope reserves were as low as our bank account.

But despair doesn’t win. When you wait on HOPE, He comes for you.

The ringing of our doorbell  startled all four of us. We all got up to go open the door, finding no one. Instead of a person,  a simple envelope lay upon our welcome mat. Our kids excitedly questioned what it was. My husband picked it up and his eyebrows shot up in shock as he looked inside. It was filled with money.  Whoever had given it had been extremely generous.

We were speechless.  Tears came.  Our kids saw God tangibly reach out and help their mom and dad. Our little family hit our knees thanking our good Father and praying for the amazing people who we would never get a chance to thank.

With that simple envelope our God had reminded us that He does not forsake those He loves. He breathes hope into hopeless situations through His people. And He provides for our needs…sometimes in mysterious ways.

The story of the anonymous envelope of money would be an encouraging one even if it ended there. But God wasn’t done with this one.  It became miraculous.

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Do you know the bible story from 2 Kings;  the one about the widow who was in a hopeless financial  situation and only had a tiny bit of oil left in her jar? God had her  pour that oil into another empty jar given to her by a neighbor…and it filled it up! And then another jar, and another…the oil did not run out! Do you know it? It’s a good one. Sometimes I need to be reminded that the God who did that for her, is the same God that I cry out to today.  He didn’t get older, or less caring of His kids, or tired of miracles. His glory shines just as bright now as it did then. His love is just as tender.

The envelope was placed in a safe place and we began to pull cash out of it when we needed it. We tried to stretch it, but honestly our needs were great. Groceries were needed and so to the envelope I would go. Bills were due and I would return to pull out more.  A month went by and I noticed we had not run out. Strange, I had thought, since it had seemed like we had spent the total. Another month passed and there was still a thickness to the envelope. It truly made no logical sense. I thought about counting it, but something held me back. I began then to believe that God was doing a miracle with that envelope.  And so, without seeing how much we had left, I carefully replaced it in the drawer and thanked Him for whatever He was doing. 20150924_141939

The ‘oil continued to pour’ and each month we would stand in awe that the envelope was still not empty! We never counted it, and God kept giving.

That single, anonymous, generous, miraculous envelope lasted for 6 months.

You read that right. 6 months! There is no way the initial amount, as generous as it was, could have lasted for 6 months of groceries and bills.

Even now I can hardly believe it.  For half a year that white envelope sat in a drawer and was a constant reminder that we were not on our own in this fight. That despair would not get the last word, that HOPE lives here and we belong to HIM.

He Is Good.

We used the last bills from it just this last month. It was beautiful timing as we had just moved, and begun to settle into our new chapter of life, including employment! The manna is gone, it is no longer needed, for our God leads us on into His promises.

Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow.  James 1:17

Kallie

Healing Broken Things

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O LORD my God, I cried to you for help, and you have healed me.       -Psalm 30:2

I’ve been walking a journey of healing recently, that has been both emotional and spiritual. It’s been a difficult journey. It’s been a quiet, lonely journey. Not because people around me haven’t cared for me…but because this healing process has been internal and complicated.

We know this to be true of physical healing. When your body is ravaged by disease or bones are broken, you can’t heal simply by wishing it would get better.  You need the skilled hands of a physician to diagnose your condition, clean out your wounds, repair the damaged tissue, and set a course for your healing. Healing takes time.

We also know that wounds happen not only at the physical level, but on other levels as well. The journey to healing with these kinds of hurts are similar to the physical ones. To properly heal, it takes time, rest, and a skilled Physician. The journey is lonely. Quiet. Internal. A lot is happening but most of the time, until the scar tissue closes up on top, you can’t see a difference.

Some time ago, a bomb of sorts exploded in my life. I was pulverized emotionally.  My identity was attacked and suffered critical blows. I was silenced. Betrayed by people I trusted. The core of who I am was slandered. Judged mercilessly. Burned. I could barely breathe, my faith in God’s goodness brought to trial.  I stared at mountains of ash that had once been dreams and lifted tear stained eyes to my God asking where He was. The Enemy had prevailed, or so it appeared. I had followed God with everything and instead of obvious victory in a situation, I felt abandoned,  beaten, and bloodied.

It was a dark and painful time. Horrible.  It was easy to believe the lies that my God had left me. It was easy to make agreements with the Enemy of my soul that God did not care.  But truth said differently. Truth shouted that I was not alone, my God was with me.  

…for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”   –Hebrews 13:5

Looking back, I realize that His presence was all that sustained me. He was close to my broken heart just like He promised, even when my tears kept me from seeing Him.  I know it now.  In His grace He sent help, friends and family, swiftly to my bruised soul to begin to  nurse me back to health.

I survived the attack.

But I was not healed. I was still wounded. Deeply.

And at first, knowing I was badly hurt and needed healing, I tried to be proactive. I tried to take over my triage…needing to control this trauma in my heart.  I wanted to be healed. I wanted desperately to feel better. I believed God could heal me. But in my eagerness to hurry up and heal, I tried to heal myself. I prescribed myself with a good dose of forgiveness for those that had hurt me. I filled my days with reading my bible, and turned up the worship music. I drank in lots of truth and surrounded myself with solid community. These were all really good…except for one thing; it wasn’t working. Completely not working. I was still hurt, still, ‘bleeding’ emotionally, still unable to forgive. I finally realized, through God’s endless grace, WHY it wasn’t working.  It was because I wasn’t the doctor. Deep down I really knew nothing about how to close up the gaping wounds in my heart.

One of God’s names in the bible is Jehovah Rapha.{Exodus 15:22-26} It means The Lord Heals. I love it, because healing is one of His names. His very name. His character is to heal our broken places. The God of healing.  Him…Not me.

I could not heal myself. And in truth, I just got in the way. I had the best intentions, but I was not able to do what only He can do. This was where I uncovered a powerful truth. I had to completely and utterly surrender my wounds to Him. Surrender.

The very last thing I felt like doing after the attack I had just been through was to let down my guard and trust enough to surrender. But it was in the total and complete surrender of my painful wounds to Him, the One who loves me beyond reason… that I found the deepest healing. It was when I slowly pulled my hands away from the torn places of my soul that His cleansing mercy seeped in to the deep pain. He was so faithful and so gentle to clean out my wounds and then bind them up. He protectively covered my bruised places with His own scarred hands. He breathed fresh life into the places that had died. He lovingly rebuilt my identity and reminded me where it belongs; in Him. He poured into me rich forgiveness that I did not possess on my own, that I might walk in freedom. It was beautifully miraculous.  When I let go of my time-table for healing, and just let Him be God….the God of Healing, He did. He healed my broken self. He restored my wrecked heart.

In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.    -John 16:33

I do have scars from all of this. I believe I always will. My scars are hidden to most, but they are there. Tender. Sometimes uncomfortable. Twisted flesh that speak of battles fought. Reminders. Not reminders of what the Enemy did but of what my Jesus did.

Reminders of His power to heal broken things.woman-sunset-silhouette

 

Friends..I know so many of you are hurting also… and I hope that my story will help you. He wants to heal you too.  He wants to heal those places in your heart that have been ravaged, wounded and laid bare. I know this to be true.  He wants to heal those places in your spirit that hurt so much that they cause you to be untrusting, sometimes bitter and truly unable to forgive.   I pray you will seek and surrender to Him. Jehovah Rapha, The Lord Heals. If He is your Lord, He is your healing.

Those who seek the LORD will not lack any good thing.       –Psalm 34:10

-Kallie

Sit in the Mud

Mud, Flood and FogI have a soft spot in my heart for those of you out there that are weathering one of life’s storms. I am passionate about making sure you know you are not alone because weathering a storm is tough enough, weathering it alone is just plain horrible. When I reflect upon the storms of my life {and the mud they create} I become filled with gratitude for the sojourners of this faith… dear brothers and sisters that have cared for me as I practiced endurance. Practiced perseverance. Practiced surrender.

I believe there is something sacred about sharing the ground of trial with another. I sometimes need to be reminded how sacred it is to be invited into that space where incredible pain takes place. When a person pulls back the curtain to reveal the mud in their life, the mess that a storm created,  it’s hard to slow down and show respect and care for the sacred ground opportunity. It’s much easier to diagnose the situation and prescribe theology.

There’s nothing wrong with solid theology. In fact, we highly value it. We need it.

But often people in the mud know they’re in the mud. Often they even know the theology about how to overcome the mud.

The truth is…the mud is not the issue at all.

The issue is their broken heart. A heart that is deeply hurting; covered in fear and weeping wounds. A heart too broken to stand {at least for a time}.

They really don’t need someone to stand on solid ground and tell them how to climb out of the mud.

Instead they need someone to get right down in the mud with them. I need this when I am in that place, and  I want my muddy friends to know they can lean on me as well.  I will stay in the mud with them until they’re ready to regain their footing.

I want that front row seat to watch God’s glory in their lives, in spite of the mud, blind me with goodness.

But…if I want to see that glory revealed, I have to be willing to listen and not be uncomfortable with the mess. I have to be willing to do nothing but sit. Wait. Encourage but not prescribe. Whether it is by the hospital bed, across the Starbucks table, or through the phone call…

What if we were people who weren’t afraid of sitting in mud with our friends?

What if we weren’t afraid of chemo side effects or divorce tidal waves?

What if slandered reputations didn’t make us avert our eyes, and financially ruined people didn’t cause us to ignore our phones?

What if we never again murmured  that God wouldn’t give our friends more than they can handle…but instead remind them they never ever have to handle this alone. That Jesus IS there to handle it for them and that we will sit and pray and wait until He does.

What if we chose to just sit with people…not to enable bad habits and spiritual lethargy, but to enable healing. Having been one broken and without strength, I am so thankful for the Jesus-reflectors in my life who sat in the mud with me. Who haven’t been afraid of the mess, of the broken in me. The ones who have been witnesses to my sorrow. In my pain, I needed people to look into my soul, tell me they recognize my wounds and that they have scars on their souls too. They have muddy spots in their story, and they overcame the mud.

Jesus wasn’t afraid of people’s broken places. He sat in the mud with those He loved. Let’s be a Church that’s not afraid of people’s  messes and wrap our arms around them, mud and all.

 

-Kallie

Wherever He Places Us

This post kicks off a series we are really excited about here at Revealing The Story!

We will be publishing a collection of posts that reveal some of what God is doing around the world. Posts that reveal what it looks like to live on mission.

There are many different definitions of mission. You’ll see that our definition is the daily choice to keep our eyes and hearts open to the practical and emotional needs of those around us. To try (as best we can) to imitate the incredible love our Jesus has to offer all people.

We hope you’ll be encouraged by this series.

 

IMG_1488I remember, quite vividly, when I told my mom that I thought God wanted me to be a missionary. She smiled encouragingly but jokingly told me she couldn’t bear the thought of me living so far away from her! I was only 8 after all. I can’t really fault her for feeling that way!

I had just finished reading an autobiography on Amy Carmichael, a missionary in India who rescued child slaves during the early 1900’s, and my young faith was inspired. A fire was lit in me to help others and I was passionate about this new direction. I was certain that this was my purpose.

Then the years piled up and that calling collected dust.

Like a book on a shelf, it was pushed behind other dreams and desires and was all but forgotten.IMG_1495

In college I went on a short term missions trip to Ecuador. My team spent 10 days going into schools to spend time with and speak value to the children there. We cared for them, played with them and told them of our belief in a Savior named Jesus.  While I was there whispers of that original purpose and dream began to swirl once again in my heart.  I considered joining a long term mission to serve the children of South America. Although the desire was there, something about it just didn’t ever fit. And so life marched on.

Years later when God called my husband and I, together into vocational ministry, I pulled that old dream off the dusty shelf and thought, “ah, here’s the purpose of that.” This must be what God had in mind when He spoke mission into my little girl heart.IMG_1492

But I still didn’t fully understand. Somehow, something unknown still didn’t quite fit.

It wasn’t until recently, after looking back on the years since we stepped out in that calling, that God revealed something to me. In the 7 years of full-time ministry we, as a couple, have had many different titles. Mike has directed Christian camp programs, done church relations, worked construction, cleaned pools, pastored, and dealt with unemployment.  Every step along the way we have followed Him. But when things get difficult, it’s so easy to feel like we are wandering.

This last weekend I attended the IF:gathering, a conference intended to gather and encourage women to fulfill God’s calling in their lives. It was amazing. As I sat there listening to the message about our command to “Be Strong and Courageous” {Joshua 1}, I wrestled. Wrestled to figure out what it is He really wants for my family.  In the midst of those tearful moments with my Shepherd, He reminded me I’ve always known the purpose He placed in me.  Our title and place make no difference…but our identity does.  Job or no job, my identity as a Christ-follower means I am called to live out this purpose of caring for anyone around me. That’s always been the point.  Mike and I are together on this ‘mission’ wherever He places us.  Living on mission doesn’t mean you have to move to South America, or get the perfect job in ministry…but to deeply care for people wherever He places you.  That is something He has been showing me over these last 7 tumultuous years, and this weekend reminded me of that simple truth.  I am called to live on mission.

It looks different than I thought. It’s not to a far off country like my 8 year old self envisioned. At least not right now. But when I allowed the Holy Spirit to pull that dream off the shelf again and turn it upside down…or right side up…I saw how it fit finally. I see now how despite my incomprehension, my Creator was always shaping me for this purpose.

IMG_1489 I am a follower of Christ, and He commissioned me, alongside you, to live on mission.  This mission doesn’t come with a title or a paycheck. It’s a freedom mission, a healing mission, a peace-giving mission. The mission is the same for all of us; to be a reflection of Jesus to a lost and hurting world. To care. To love. To pour out our lives.  The how and where of that is going to look different for all of us. Where and how are you on mission friends?

For me, right now, I’m on a mission to reflect Jesus in my home so that the sweet little hearts He placed there will know Him. I’m on a mission to offer healing to hurting hearts that cross my path, because I know what hurt feels like and I have found the antidote. I’m on mission to this city He has me in for as long as He wants me here. I probably will be fiercely opposed by our enemy. So will you.

It’s not going to be easy.  Completing a mission never is.

But it will be worth it.  Victory always is.

 

-Kallie

Messy Brushstrokes

IMG_1480I sat at my art easel the other day, brush full of paint and poised to place another stroke on my painting. But there was nothing more to add. It was finished. I placed my brush down and walked to the other side of the room. And turned. That’s my favorite moment. The one when I stand back and observe my finished painting. When all that I wanted to create from inside of me is finally out on the canvas, and I get to enjoy it. Gaze upon it and sigh that deep sigh.  Satisfaction. Joy.

I am an artist…although that’s a strange title for me to accept. I’ve always been creative, but it wasn’t until 2 years ago that I stumbled on a hidden talent and passion to paint wall art.IMG_1467

This passion was discovered when I wanted a particular style of art for my living room and couldn’t afford to buy it. So, in typical DIY form, I decided to try and make something similar myself. Grabbing my craft paint brush and some leftover clumpy paint I began to create. It was a surreal moment with God in which I believe He pulled back the curtain and showed me this part of myself I knew nothing about! To be completely honest, I was shocked.

When I paint, I feel I am walking in step with my Maker. I feel His joy as He watches me, His child, mimic my Heavenly Dad. And it’s through this new found expression that I discovered yet another glimpse of His ways and character.

 

He is the Great Artist. The First and the Last Artist.

You and I are His masterpiece. You.

All of creation and you.

I’ve painted a particular painting 4 times, and although they are all of the exact same object, they are all different. They are all separate creations that involved labor and time and care and love. The same is true of our Artist. He labors and cares and spends time with and loves each of His creations…not for their sameness, but for their individuality.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.. -Psalm 139 :13

Something I have found in painting, is that there is so much power in perspective. It’s not unusual for me to be in the middle of a project, and feel discouraged by it. I typically start to believe that my artistic abilities have completely disappeared and that the painting is completely terrible! Until my husband comes into the room and reminds me to take a step back and look at it from the other side of the room. It NEVER fails to amaze me how much better it looks. Always. I cannot see the whole piece and it’s value when I’m inches from the brushstrokes. It always looks messy that close. It always seems like I have no idea what I’m doing!! But, when I step back, the brushstrokes meld into something good, something to be displayed.IMG_0937

The same is true of us. I am way too close to my circumstances to see anything but mess. And sometimes, when I can’t make sense of what He is ‘painting,’ I tell God about it…telling Him about the mess He’s making in this project called my life! He always  graciously reminds me that the Painting cannot tell the Artist how or what to paint. The Artist sees it differently. His perspective holds a promise that all the circumstances meld into something good, something to be displayed, something beautiful.

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 Recently, I delivered another painting of the California State Capitol to the Speaker of the State Assembly. As I walked in I felt God give me  a glimpse of His perspective. Two years ago I didn’t realize I could paint art, and here I was delivering my artwork for the fourth time to the state capitol! There have been many times over the last two years that I have deeply doubted my ability. I have grumbled about painting this building! I have even complained to God that this is messy and not what I had planned for my career! And then, He gave me a glimpse at what He’s painting, the doors He’s opening, the work He’s doing and I’m amazed again. This is evidence of the Master Artist in my life! I never would have even dreamed this path, this part of the artwork up!

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I never create a piece of art and then hang it in the back of a closet!  My clients that commission me do not hang their art pieces in hidden places. Rather, they display them in places where the art will be seen and enjoyed. As the artist, there is such great joy for me to watch my creation being displayed and praised.  Can you imagine how much more joy our Creator receives when you and I display what He has done in us?

Come and see the wonders of God; His acts for humanity are awe-inspiring. Psalm 66:5 

When we declare His goodness towards us, when we reveal the Artist’s signature on our lives, when we show how He made a painful scar into something divinely creative…When we display the GOOD work that He has started in us, I’m positive that He smiles. He sings over us. He enjoys.

I’m not always grateful in the moment for the ‘brushstrokes’ the Artist places on my story. There are trials  and suffering that seem messy and horrible to my human eyes. But there have also been glorious moments when I’ve glimpsed some of the beauty He’s already completed. I am a painting in progress and am learning to be content and hopeful as He paints.IMG_1472

And friends, someday, He will faithfully put that last brushstroke on you and say “Well done my good and faithful one.”

 

And you will be perfectly, stunningly, beautiful.

 

 

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus.    

 —Philippians 1:6

 

-Kallie

 

A Messy Stable of Heartache

This year hasn’t been a particularly wonderful one for me. In fact, to be totally transparent, I have been referring to it as the year of death for us. With the loss of three close and loved family members, all to cancer, death has been a close acquaintance in 2014. Sorrow has cloaked me, cloaked my husband, cloaked my kids as we waded through the waters of loss.

And major loss came in other forms as well. The death of a dream came in the blow of being asked to resign from our dearly loved church. The loss of stability, of hopes, of community has rocked my little family to its core.

This year has been rough. Full of heartache. Riddled with tears and grief. The year of death.

So when the advent season came upon us,  feelings of Christmas cheer were not naturally present. In fact, I found myself wishing we could just skip this one.

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I did my best to dig deep and muster the feelings of good will. I tried to create Christmas atmosphere in my home. In fact, I broke that ‘sacred-to-some’ rule about no Christmas before Thanksgiving, and fully decorated my house early! The tree was up, the halls were decked, and the nativity on display. All in hope that we could generate some joy…some relief…some Christmas peace.

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I told myself that I was trying for my kids sake. They were hurting, and needed the hope and joy that Christmas brings.

 

But Christmas doesn’t bring those things.

I can’t create an atmosphere that brings those things.

Even the nativity scene doesn’t bring those things.IMG_1421

 

There is only ONE who brings those.

Christ.

Christ WITH us.

Emmanuel.

Not only the first Christmas story, but the  everlasting Christmas reality.

Christ is WITH us.

No amount of Christmas traditions, trimmed trees, treats, or carols can sweep out the loss and pain from my house. No amount of wrapped presents under our tree can replace what is missing. No amount of Christmas fun can heal our broken hearts or stifle the fear of our unknown future.

But ONE can. Christ. Not Christ seated in Heaven, although He is. Not Christ in our bible stories, although He was. But Christ WITH us. In our midst. In our loss, in our hurts, in our ‘messy stables’.

That’s when I realized, I was trying to take care of my loss on my own. In my own power. And I was failing. I was trying to usher in the Christmas spirit when I really needed to usher in the ONE who can heal our spirits.

So instead, I bow my heart just like those shepherds so long ago, and ask Him to come. To come again for me. I need this Christmas to not just be a remembrance of Him coming to a stable so long ago, which He did. This Christmas I need Him to come to me. Right now in my own messy heart. My messy life.  I need Him to come gently and lovingly, as in that first holy night, and fill my life with Hope.

With Peace.

With Joy.

 

 

I need Christmas more than ever this year. Not the red and green one with mistletoe and holly, but the one in which He comes to my messy stable and saves me all over again.

And once I realize that and ask, sorrow and loss have no place here. I look at my decorated tree and ask Him to come. I wrap up presents and ask Him to come.

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As my kids count down the days filled with great anticipation, I daily count on Him to fill me with a holy saturation.  And He does. He has invaded our home and filled us with hope.

Friends love us well and we see Him.  Anonymous envelopes of money mysteriously show up to help us, and we see Him.  Happy memories are remembered and we see Him. He has COME!!

Joy settles on all of us. I’m beside myself with peace, Christmas really is here! For us and for you…Our Messiah has come, Christ is here!

 

-Kallie

Giants and Mice

Last week my husband was out of town. Having been an army wife, I’m used to taking care of things while he’s away. I don’t get scared…usually.

But this time, things were a little different. One night as I was falling asleep I was startled and heard a rustling sound coming from my bathroom. I sat up and listened. And there is was again.

Definitely rustling.

Plastic being crumpled.

Heart pumping I crept toward the closed door {thank the Lord it was actually closed}. I grabbed the nearest big thing I could find, a basket. A basket? Not sure what I thought I would do with a basket to defend myself, but clearly I should work on my preparedness. I listened quietly again and sure enough SOMETHING was moving around in there.

SOMETHING ALIVE was in my bathroom.

Panic froze me. I had no idea what to do.  I stood there for a long time and decided to do nothing! Nice huh? My bravery knows no bounds! I wedged a towel under the door to insure that no creepy crawler could get out and I went to bed. Problems are always easier to deal with in the daylight, right?!

But here’s the thing. My problems were far from confined to the bathroom.

Surprisingly I was able to fall asleep, but was awoken a couple hours later to chewing.  Chewing that was not coming from the bathroom! Now it was coming from my closet!!! Oh joy.  As I lay there panicked again, I began to imagine that there were probably giant human-eating rats behind those doors. And that they were probably in my room as well. And with that I grabbed my pillow, closed my bedroom door and went to sleep on the couch!

I told you, brave.

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The next morning I threw together a homemade hazmat suit…you know, my trendy fall boots, sweats, rubber gloves and my broom and gave myself a pep-talk to open the doors and take on the giant vermin behind them. My poor kids thought their mother had gone crazy. Maybe I had. Maybe I was a little crazy with fear. Fear over what I couldn’t see. Fear of the unknown. Irrational fear.

 

And then God’s Spirit spoke to my heart. Right there outside my bedroom with my broom in my hands He whispered to me.

Why do you fear daughter? Have you forgotten who I am? And who you are?

I saw the ridiculousness of me, the 5’9” human being afraid of what was probably a really tiny mouse. Rationally I knew is was a mouse. I also knew the size of the hole behind my toilet; the one where the water line goes into the wall that we hadn’t fixed yet. I rationally knew that’s where it had to have come in at. So it had to be tiny.

In that moment my fear was absurd. So I marched in dramatically to conquer it, only to find that whatever it was had already run away back through that hole. {most likely in fear of me}

 

Then He nudged my heart toward more truth. I pray all the time for My God to protect me from big things. I pray and do my best to not fear in the midst of my spiritual battles. I believe my God’s promise that He made me more than a conqueror and I, like you, fight daily to trust in Him. I think I’m doing a pretty good job in that.

And then I panic when a tiny real-life mouse is in my room.

If I can’t overcome my fear over a rodent, how am I going to overcome my fear when I’m battling my spiritual enemy? When I am faced with the threats that he wields against me? When he attacks me in my thought life? When the lie comes that my sin is too big for God to wipe away. When the trial comes and lies are whispered that it’s only going to get worse.  The honest truth is that I panic then as well. Fear disables me. And I forget that God is the same size whether I’m fearful of a physical mouse or a scary spiritual opponent. All powerful. Almighty. Able to overcome all things.

 

You see,  you and I were made to walk in boldness and confidence because we have been made MORE than conquerors. When we are IN Christ, we are full of His power. We need not fear what the enemy sends to creep around our rooms…our minds.

Just as I am a giant to that mouse in my bathroom, you and I, in Christ, are giants to the the powers of darkness.

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We bring the light.

We have been made righteous by our Savior.

We have been seated with Christ in the heavenly realms.

We hold the sword of His word and know how to use it.

 

I have given you the authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.                   Luke 10:19

You, dear one, are a warrior, armed for battle by Him. He has given you your breastplate of righteousness…your helmet of salvation…your shield of faith. That armor is from Him to you and it’s meant to be used. Strap it on! Lift up your chin and lay down your fear.

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Fear Not.

Do not be afraid.

For I AM with you.  In you.  I go before you.  And I am behind you.  I am by your side.  I will never leave you or forsake you.

And…I love you. Cherish you. I protect you. I am your refuge. Your shelter. Your strength.

 So, what do you say? Can we shake off that dreaded fear and stand strong against all that comes against us? Once I look at my life, my situation through all of this, I realize He’s actually made it possible to be quite brave.

The next time you hear the rustling in your mind of something that causes you fear…I pray that you remember the brave warrior you are. Who He says you are.

And go kick that little mouse out of your room!

 

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6

-Kallie

Horizon

My home in Colorado was, quite literally, on the side of a mountain. Surrounded by a national forest, the Christian camp we ministered at was a retreat from the world. Aside from the 8 months of snow, {which I still have nightmares about!} it was a truly beautiful, wild place to live.

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We were situated in a canyon and so I looked out my living room windows at the enormous mountain across the way. When we first moved there, I remember thinking it was the most gorgeous view and that I would never tire of looking at it.

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The thing about living in a canyon is that the sun ‘sets’ really early. In the winter, we would lose the sun at about 3 pm and already freezing temperatures would plummet into the negative range. Our days felt very short and after several years of living there, the mountains around me began to change in my eyes.

 

I began to dislike that large beautiful mountain that blocked my sunshine,

blocked my sunset,

blocked my horizon.

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It was not until living like that for a while that I realized how much I craved a horizon. Whenever I would drive down out of the mountains into the valley that the nearest town was in, something in my spirit would feel like it could breathe again. I could see off in the distance. I could see where I was going.

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I have realized that I feel the same way spiritually. I like to see where I’m going. I like to see what’s on the horizon of my walk with the Lord.

But the truth is, often times we don’t get to see our horizon. Often times we are stuck in a canyon, surrounded by mountains that we can’t see over. The sun sets early and we feel alone and discouraged in our ‘canyons’. We crave a horizon, a chance to look out and see where we are headed. We crave vision to see why this is happening and when it will be over.

It took a while for me to recognize that God was using that canyon to refine me. To build a stronger faith inside me. He blocks our horizon with ‘mountains’ not because He’s uncaring, but because we must learn that

Christ is our horizon.

His face is our sunshine.

Christ is with us in the canyons. If we can see our horizon on our own, we never fully surrender to Jesus. If I can see where I’m going, I rely on my own strength to get me there. It’s when I cannot see over the mountain that I finally acknowledge that I need Him. He becomes my horizon. My goal, my direction…my everything. And in Him my soul breathes again.

 

It is not a coincidence that during the season of my life while living in the wilderness, I also spent that season battling deep depression and wrestling with my faith in God’s goodness. The ‘mountains’ in my view were both physical and spiritual. But that canyon of difficulty did not last forever. God was so faithful! He was there, loving me and walking me through it. And it was in that process that my spirit learned the meaning of I lift my eyes up, up to the mountains, where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. Psalm 121:1-2. My help does not come from my own strength, or in my trials being relieved…it comes from Him alone.

 

So find hope friends, if you are stuck in a canyon. Look up at His face. Focus on Him and not the mountains in your life. He knows where you are heading and He will guide you, because He loves you.

 

The Lord’s face, His presence, His faithfulness…come what may, that is our horizon.

AV5A5123

 

-Kallie

Peak Ascent

While my husband and I were in the midst of our long wait for God to provide a permanent job, waiting for Him to justify the dramatic step of faith that He had asked of us, discouragement and despair were constantly knocking at the door of my heart.
It became a daily battle.
When I cried out to God for help He responded, “Be Faithful“.
And I would think…ummm, God, You got anything else?
Nope.
Just “Be Faithful.”
Being faithful while my flesh screams at me to give up has been one of the toughest lessons I’ve had to learn along my journey.

 

A few years ago while we lived in the back-country of the Colorado Rockies Mike made encouraged me to climb a “14er”, a 14,000 ft mountain.  And, no, I’m not really the mountain climbing type. 🙂
When you climb a mountain, you typically hike on a trail for most of it. But at the top you have to climb the boulder fields. They are exactly that; fields of giant unstable boulders. After all that you have the peak ascent. The last 1000 feet.
The whole mountain climbing experience was challenging for me…but the peak ascent was torturous. I knew the peak was there, I knew that there would be intense relief for my exhausted muscles, but I couldn’t really gauge how far I was from it. From my perspective I would think I was steps away, and yet half an hour later I was still climbing thinking, ‘Why am I not there yet?!?!’  For me, it was incredibly discouraging.
It was there, in the final ascent that I came the closest to giving up.
And so, in the same way, in my life at the times of trial and waiting,  I feel discouraged and incredibly weary. Bone-weary.
But I know because of that day on the mountain that the peak is just beyond my view. And I have to be faithful by pressing on in faith.
Anybody else feeling like that? Are you facing a mountain that you never wanted to climb? Situations in your life  that seem impossible to get past, impossible to conquer?  Are you wondering if you even have what it takes?
You’ve been climbing this enormous ‘mountain’ so long, and the boulder fields are way more than you expected. You looked up and thought the peak was going to be yours hours ago…
months ago…
years ago.
And yet here you are, still stuck on the side of a mountain. You feel like you don’t have anymore strength to do this, {and you’re secretly wondering if you can call in some sort of ‘rescue helicopter’ to get you off this horrible mountain…} But you do have the strength to conquer this. That strength is Christ IN you!
Hang in there friend! His strength is made perfect in our weakness. He will get you there. He has not left you in your ‘boulder fields.’ And oh the miraculous joy of reaching the top and seeing in one swooping motion the whole world open up! Are you ready for it? It’s going to be breathtaking! Push through, asking our mountain guide, our Beloved Savior to fill you up with His strength as you climb on to what is sure to be a life-changing mountain top experience!

 

Be faithful by putting one step in front of the other. Sometimes that’s all that we can do; one step.
One step at a time until we make it to the peak.
.in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.     Romans 8:37
-Kallie

A Wink

 

I love to wink at my kids. It’s such a fantastic way to tell them I love them, that they are special, and that I’m thinking about them at that very moment. It’s an intimate expression because, although we can be surrounded by people, the wink is silent. Secretive.

Meant for them alone.

I want to share a time when God winked at us. We had just closed escrow on our home. This gift of a home, this blessing had been long awaited. We have been through a long 2 and a half year journey of waiting on God’s promises. Waiting on His provisions. Just waiting. I’m guessing that some of you are familiar with this type of waiting. You know the long, dark nights. The empty wallets and the buckets of tears. You understand the questions of ‘why God’ that plague your mind and rob your resolve. You have been there, the waiting on a timeless God while stuck in our world of constant ticking clocks.

So as we walked across our new threshold, keys in hand…the enormity of how far God had brought us was fresh on my mind. There was no doubt that our God had provided THIS house for this season. This was all Him. And then the wink came.

The day had been rainy with springtime showers. We had to run from  the car to the doorway to escape the sudden drops, which is always fun with 2 little kids!  As we walked into the front room the sun came back out. And as I looked across the empty room and out through the windows into our new backyard I saw the most vivid full rainbow I’ve ever seen.

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{This picture just doesn’t do it justice!}

As it hung perfectly arched over our property I knew instantly this was a holy moment. This was my loving God looking straight at me and ‘winking.’ Intimately and secretively letting me know He loves me, that He was watching and that this gift was from Him. And call me crazy, but I felt that although other people probably saw ‘our rainbow’…its importance and meaning was meant for us alone.

In my mind I saw our last couple of years, the journey of faith, come full circle. And I felt His sovereign promise. I understood His reminder that He has a covenant with me. An unshakable one. That although these last few years have felt like a ‘flood’ of need, discouragement, and desolation…He did not let the flood waters overtake us. He was and is faithful to remember His covenant.

In that moment with a beautiful rainbow over my head, I felt His love. His smile. His wink.

 …”Whenever I form clouds over the earth and the bow appears in the clouds, I will remember My covenant between Me and you…” Genesis 9:14-16

Kallie

 

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