Author: Kallie McKean (Page 1 of 3)

Scared?

March 31, 2020 / Kallie McKean

“Are you scared?” I wonder as I acknowledge the 20-something cashier at Target.

I try to smile, while acknowledging the fear in the air,. I try pulling up ‘files’ in my thoughts of topics, “is this really happening”, and “why is the entire section of meat, dry goods, and toilet paper completely gone” to aid in our conversation.

Truth is I’m caught between “this is crazy… and the world might be ending.” Caught between, “It’ll blow over… and what if it doesn’t” wrestling match.

The real, bottom of the barrel truth; fear knocks at my door.

My husband and I are fully self-employed, running a small business. The mixture of significant health fears as well as terrifying financial ones feel insurmountable as our economy grinds to a halt. Snaking its way through all of these daily moments is a whisper. Murmurs, lies that are sneaky, subtle, but growing larger like a dark giant.

Fear.

Fear of what’s to come.

Fear that I will not make it, fear that I’m not enough. My business will fail, my dreams will die, my calling will cease, my bank account will empty, my hope will not be enough. Fear of the unknown. How will we provide, what if we lose it all…what if we get sick. What if someone I love falls ill and dies.

But then I remember, I’ve fought this nasty giant before. I know his stench.

I fought him before, dressed differently but with the same stench a long time ago.

I remember this dark giant and have some rippled nasty scars to prove it. I remember sitting in the dark scared, I remember being unemployed with no saving in the account. I still remember the job interviews that came to nothing, the food stamps, the “where is God in this” questions.

God never promised that it would be easy following Him. But He did promise to never leave you, to always be with you through it. So that battle against this giant of fear is real. Mine, from so long ago, was ugly, dark, and I though about giving in to it…but then, then I rose up.

I remembered who I was. Friend, if you are reading this, allow me to remind you of who you are too. If this giant of anxiety, fear, depression..whoever he is in your life, if he is cornering you right now, it’s time for you to remember just who you are.

Do you know who you are?

-You are a beloved child of a loving God

-You hold authority and keys to the kingdom

-You are powerful, and hope is your birthright

-You are already victorious, despite your current circumstances

-You have unlimited strength, found right in your weakness

So friend, rise up. Re-claim your warrior stance, and trust that the God who created you, loves you, called you, empowered you and told you who you ARE will rise up on all sides with you. Around you. Before you and behind you.

His promise…”I will never leave you nor forsake you” has carried me through every season, every moment. He doesn’t falter, He doesn’t forget. I can testify with everything in me to this. He has never left me and He will never leave you.

All we have to do is rise up in our identity, remembering who we are and whose we are. And the giant of fear fall.

You and I have nothing to be scared of.

-Kallie

The Mirror

April 26, 2017 / Kallie McKean

This last weekend I was able to pull away from the busy whirlwind of life and take some time to be with God.

I sat beside a beautiful babbling brook in the fresh morning air and prayed about the state of my heart – asking Jesus to show, to reveal my heart. To look in a mirror and see what He really sees when He looks at me.

Truth be told, I was afraid of the mirror. Some mornings I don’t like the physical mirror. So I definitely didn’t want to look into a spiritual one.

I was afraid of the reflection that I assumed would be there.

You see, I feel like I’m sort of a broken-glued-back-together person. And it had been awhile since I had looked into the mirror. It had been awhile since I had looked into His eyes and asked what He saw in me.

Life has a way of pushing us, prodding us, and sometimes breaking us. Sometimes I look at where I am in life and feel confused. This isn’t exactly how I had pictured it going. I’m guessing you might relate, friend. Whether it’s big things or small things, we all can start to feel like we’re just glued back together, and although functional, not very pretty. Events and people in our lives can have a way of changing us…and for me, I feel so different that I guess I assumed my reflection must be pretty scarred.

But, fears aside, I sat on that bench by a serene creek in the middle of the woods, let down my guard, and asked my God to show me.

I was praying, and all of a sudden was struck at how beautiful my surroundings were.

It was just stunning. The sunlight refracted across the plants and weeds, pulling forth a vivid green. The moss-covered boulders jutted out from the ground, telling the water which way to flow. The low hanging trees seemed to admire their reflection in the pools around the edges. The air was fresh and full of earthy goodness. The creek gurgled soothingly as it passed me by.

The birds sang while my God nudged me to truly see.

And that’s when He showed me the mirror.

This scene I sat in was so life-giving, so beautiful, and yet so not perfect. It was actually full of disorder. Broken pieces of rocks everywhere in no particular order. Splashing water flowed over broken places. Moss, a fungus growing, unruly vines and weeds sprouted all over. A tree stump spoke of life cut down. Even mud and bugs.

And yet Beauty.

Not manufactured beauty, but true beauty. Unique beauty. Restored beauty.

Friend, it is just so with you and with me. He takes our broken places and restores them into beautiful places that are life-giving to those around us.

This place, was unique. Although I could find thousands of other beautiful places in nature, not one of them would be identical to this. No one else can look like you. Your beauty, your true beauty, your restored beauty is unique. Your restored self is what people need because it is life-giving.

Restoration in one of my favorite characteristics of God. Until I sat beside that creek this weekend, I had forgotten that our heart reflections, if we are submitted to Him, will simply reveal His endless faithfulness to restore beauty.

-Kallie

The Road to Forgiveness

March 15, 2017 / Kallie McKean

Forgiveness.

Oh that word. A word of such weight.

It is a heavy word, one that is so completely life-giving and yet at times has felt like it’s going to bury me.

From a close friendship that turned very painful, to hurts purposely inflicted from a co-worker, I am no stranger to relationship pain and the process of forgiving. When I say forgiving, I mean the release of bitterness, the surrender to God to do what He wills, and the moving on of our hearts. I’m talking about healing. I am not talking about sweeping things under the rug. Or allowing those individuals to continue to hurt you. Forgiveness has everything to do with the condition of our hearts and is not about our offenders accepting that offered forgiveness. I have spent years learning to walk in forgiveness, offering it over and over again as my heart wrestled with the tendency to pick the hurts back up. We often treat forgiveness as a one-time act, which is partially accurate. As followers of Christ we do have to make the decision to forgive even when we don’t feel forgiveness towards those that have hurt us. But I have found we sometimes don’t talk about the process; the road of forgiveness. A road that, depending on the depth of the hurt inflicted, can be littered with potholes and reminders of pain.

I’ve also walked the road of forgiving someone that didn’t apologize. Someone who claimed no responsibility for the scars that they had intentionally given my soul. Someone who abused me. Have you been there? When no apology comes, the road to forgiving can feel impossible. That road seems to lead into a stormy ocean of pain with no way across. It was there standing at the edge of those dark waters that I found I needed a God who parts seas.

My Beloved stood with me in front of those waves. He spoke tenderly, telling me about the healing waiting for me on the opposite shore.

He taught me that in order to truly forgive I had to give up my right, to be right.

I wrestled with that one. I would internally argue that I was right, that justice was not prevailing in this situation. “Father, do you see what they have done? ”

But I ask you to lay that right down and follow me, He whispered.

Lay down your understanding.

Lay down your defense.

Follow me. My example. And watch Me provide the forgiveness you need.

The key to supernatural forgiveness is that I cannot offer it in my own power. I do not possess it. I could not cross the violent waves in front of me by swimming. And let me tell you, I tried. I’ve tried to manufacture forgiveness. To pray that God would give me the strength to swim across the ocean. It didn’t work. Not really. Deep in the crevices of my heart, the crude of unforgiveness was impossible to remove. And the waves of my pain and hurts continued to crash over me. Drowning me. Defeated, I would crawl back to the edge and sit there drenched in my broken mess.

But God had this forgiveness. He had a way through the waves of pain. He gives it to us freely so we can then give it to others.

I watched in awe as He, in His power, parted the violent waves, the dark waters of all my pain and led me through. As I left my right to be right on that beach, I was able to walk through my ocean of hurt on dry land. He never fails to overwhelm me with His provision. He always provides for me. For you, too, friend.

What He taught me is that I have to recognize that I may not have done the things that my abuser did…but I’m just as guilty of other offenses. That’s a tough one. It never feels like that could be true. But that’s because I have such a skewed vision of truth sometimes. I forget that my pride is just as nasty to God. My thoughts are just as unruly, unrepentant, and hurtful. I am guilty. My sin, in whatever form, required Jesus to die for me. I need forgiveness and I need it bad. God’s sweet forgiveness of my brokenness is what allows me to walk on dry ground to forgiving others.

When I allow God’s forgiveness to pour into my dry heart, when it saturates every crack and crevice, the unforgiveness that was stuck in there becomes dislodged and dissolves. I hold His hand as we walk forward free and unencumbered, overflowing with forgiveness.

-Kallie

Cleaning Up the Mess

January 4, 2017 / Kallie McKean

It’s a new year and this year as I packed up my Christmas decorations, I entered into purging mode. My house is still in somewhat of a disarray as I have been going through every room and pulling out the stuff we just don’t use anymore; the excess and clutter. The one room that is the worst is my art studio. Ya’ll, it is so bad. It’s the room that ‘collects’ things, you know what I’m talking about? Like everything. If something doesn’t have a place…art studio it is. Plus, I never ended up actually unpacking that room when we moved in a year and a half ago.

I know, classy huh? The thing is, I’m a creative, and well…I’m not really great at organization. Or putting things back. And although I work very hard at keeping my house clean downstairs…my upstairs is another story. Since my studio is a room where no one but me ever goes into, you can only imagine how motivated I am to organize it. So, I’ve been working hard to clean, purge, and get that room orderly. It’s going to be so lovely, I know it. But in this phase, it’s just hard work.

What prompted all of this, was that my family has been cleaning and clearing out my grandmother’s estate. We lost her in October and it has taken months to go through everything. It’s quite a process, since my sweet grandma was a collector of many things! MANY things. And, I know I inherited my somewhat ‘messy’ creative ways from her. So cleaning the house has been a huge job, a difficult job, and a frustrating job.
Cleaning up a mess always is.
Cleaning up someone else’s mess is even more so.
Even when you love that person.

All this cleaning has made me think about how our hearts can be “messy”. They can become cluttered with things like discontentment, undiscipline, pride, or fear. God has promised to clean our messy hearts for us, since we just can’t do it ourselves.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just

and will forgive us our sins

and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9 ESV {emphasis mine}

I realized something about how I often view this cleansing from him. I assume he feels like I do about cleaning up someone else’s big mess. I assume he looks at my messy cluttered heart, and sighs. That he is annoyed at the fact that he has to clean it up, again. And so I catch myself trying to clean it up on my own. Like maybe if I take care of some of the clutter it’ll make the job not as frustrating?

He gently showed me I couldn’t be farther from the truth.

I feel frustration and annoyance at cleaning someone else’s mess because I am human.

But God’s not human.

We were made in his image, he is not a reflection of ours.

I sometimes make the mistake of ascribing human characteristics to him. But he does not reflect our humanness.

He is so much more. He is patient and merciful. He is everlasting in his love. He sanctifies us because that’s just what his holy goodness does. He loves us, sees what our hearts will look like, and is not disturbed by our mess.

Jesus showed us this side of God’s character when he had no problem touching lepers, or dining with society’s outcasts, or being born in a dirty stable rather than a palace. He came and walked with the messy, and he showed no contempt for it. Instead he cleansed it.

Today, if you find your heart has become cluttered and maybe a bit messy like mine, let’s invite him in to clean and purge. Trust that he is not annoyed, that he loves the invitation and has big plans to make it lovely again.

-Kallie

a small bud blooms

October 12, 2016 / Kallie McKean

A year and a half ago, a friend sent this picture and a word from the Lord to me.

She wrote that while outside trimming her hydrangeas she had an overwhelming urge to send me these words, not her thoughts, but words from the Lord…

See the dead flower at the top? Follow the stem down and see the fresh green bud waiting to flower? The Lord says “Let go of the dead dried up flower because I’m giving you this fresh new beautiful flower. You won’t see it until you cut the dead one off.”

The Holy Spirit used her obedience {this was not a normal thing for her to do} to speak powerfully to me. I wept at the words. Words I knew were meant for me. I had a lot of dead in my life at that moment. And I knew the cutting, the severing what was dead would be painful.

For me, the dead flower was my expectation of what my life would look like. Specifically, it was my husband and I working in church ministry. We had felt God had called us to move to California for ministering to the church here. For 3 years we had walked a hard journey believing the dream of pastoring would be fulfilled. But, that dream was dead. And I kept staring at the dead dream wishing and begging God to bring it back to life.

Instead He asked me to let it go. To cut it off.

But…why God I cried? Why when you called us here so specifically? Why when our hearts are for this? For you in this? God…this doesn’t make any sense!?

Trust, he whispered…

Trust in the Lord with all your heart. And lean not on your own understanding. Proverbs 3;5 {emphasis mine}

I love when our beloved King finds personal ways to speak to us. For me, that picture of a hydrangea was a sweet message from him. He knows hydrangeas are my favorite. They hold special meaning for me. They represent dreams given up long ago…

It was scary to ‘cut’ off my dead dream. My dead hopes and ideas and expectations for my future. It felt safer to stare at the dead flower wanting it to come back to life. The new bud was unknown. Only God knew what that one would look like. Did I trust Him enough to cut the dead one off for good?

Eventually, I surrendered. I let go of what I thought was the next step in our story, and let God bring about something new. It’s hard to even put into words all that God has done for my husband and I in this new season. He has placed a new song in my heart and a new dream. It looks nothing like I thought it would, and yet, it’s perfectly tailored to my heart.

My husband and I started a new ‘design and build’ business, The Yellow Chair, with nothing more than the talents God placed in us. Literally nothing. At the time, I was an artist with a innate skill to design things and Mike could build just about anything. We loved giving homes second chances to be lovely…that was it. Small beginnings. A small bud on the stem.

It wasn’t easy, but God breathed life on it and it has flourished, bloomed.

We design and renovate people’s homes and we love what we do. Our separate talents compliment each other, and we happen to work really well together!

We find ourselves ministering to not one church but the bigger Church. We find ourselves caring for people our paths might never naturally cross. We are able to share our testimony to those that might never step inside a church building. It’s astounding to me that day after day we have work, and it is good work.

Practical work and kingdom work all mixed together.

Work that fulfills both Mike and I separately as well as together. I am amazed at what He has done once I let go of what I thought it was supposed to look like, once I cut off the dead. I now can see.

Friends, is there something dead in your life hindering a new bloom that our good God desires to bring forth? It’s so hard,so scary, to let our old dreams go. But if we can just trust in the one who planted us, we will find He knows how to bring forth life after death.

-Kallie

Greener Grass

June 1, 2016 / Kallie McKean

Last Sunday I was sitting out on my patio watching my kids run through the sprinkler to cool off. Where I live it is already heating up into summertime temperatures! I sat and listened to their shrieks of delight. It was a beautiful picture of childhood. And that’s when this pesky though crept into my mind; you really need a pool to be truly happy. This sprinkler is lame. Lots of people have pools. Look at what God has given you, your ‘blessings’…they are not very good.

Nice huh?

And then my little thought tirade continued, now moving from what the enemy whispered to my own thoughts. “Look at this yard. It’s SO small. I hate how tiny it is. I want, no…I need property. I’d be happy and content if we lived out in the country. My kids could run and play uninhibited. But we can’t afford to buy property…ugh.”

So now I’m sitting on my patio blind to the amazing that is in front of me. Blind, and now my heart is “chained up” in discontentment. 5 minutes ago I was free and just like that I forgot that I have the authority in Christ to walk in freedom. And I let the enemy tie me up.

Friends, we are in the middle of a war, and your heart is the prize. We have an enemy and he uses discontentment as a weapon to capture our hearts. And you know what, it’s very effective.

Discontentment as a weapon

With a few whispered lies and thoughts, my wandering heart forgets the joy before me. I just plain old forget how amazing he has been to me. How far he has brought me. How richly he has blessed me. How green the grass that I have really is! As I sat there last Sunday He so gently reminded me. I love that about him. No condemnation for my wandering, forgetful heart…just grace to remember.

5 years ago we moved here to this house. Before that, I spent 4 years living on the side of a mountain where it snowed 8 months of the year, had temperatures in the negatives regularly, and was 2 hours from the nearest Target! We were way out, living on a camp in Colorado’s backcountry. Our home had no yard and no grassy area for my little ones to run and play, and I prayed countless prayers begging God to allow me to move. As beautiful as it was there, all I wanted was to live where it was warm again, in a neighborhood, with grass in my backyard for my kids to play on! When we moved here, I remember dropping to my knees{on this beautiful green grass} in tears over his goodness. All my wants had been given to me by him. My heart was overwhelmed by how he had blessed me. The picture I was looking at last Sunday, as I enjoyed our beautiful shaded patio, with my kids healthy and happily running through a sprinkler {in May while my Colorado friends were getting another snow storm!!}… that picture is nothing short of exactly what I had hoped and prayed for! And yet, how easily I think it’s not good enough. How quickly I fall into the trap of thinking I need more to be content…

We need to remember how far our God has brought us. We need to recount His goodness. And fight against discontent. Friends, we’ve got to fight hard! I have found a simple way to fight back against those sneaky thoughts that the enemy whispers. I have a verse, a snippet of God’s word that I say back at those thoughts. “He has loved me with an everlasting love.”{Jeremiah 31:3} I even like to say it out loud. I know, it seems a tiny bit crazy…but for me, speaking God’s truth out loud strengthens me and sends the enemy fleeing. And something simple{yet powerful} helps too. He’s blessed me immeasurably in a lot of areas, but nothing compares to the way He loves me. I find that the chains of discontentment dissolve when I think about His everlasting love.

Will you fight with me? Will you walk in freedom with me? Let’s find freedom for our families because we choose to be content with what we have. Let’s find freedom for our marriages, because we celebrate the spouse we have. And freedom for our hearts as we remember all He has done for us!

-Kallie

When You’re Angry at God

February 24, 2016 / Kallie McKean

I’ve been walking with Jesus a long time. I love Him. Completely

But, even with this foundation of deep commitment and love…last year I went through a storm, and I did not weather it well.

My tender heart was still healing from a very bitter trial when the waves of another crashed over me…and they took me down. Ever felt like that? Trial upon trials have a way of demolishing you. I believe that’s why the enemy uses that tactic so often.

As the waves toppled me over, I chose anger. Real, gut-wrenching, ‘you’ve let me down’ anger. And not anger at the people in my life…

…Anger at my God.

{photo credit, Jessica Gantenbein}

Oh friends, I was so angry at Him. My husband, had been jobless for months, and door after door of potential new jobs had been closed. Desperation began to set in. He then had an incredible potential job that we felt like God had brought to us. Things seemed to be looking up. He flew to Chicago and had a great interview. He was qualified. And then the phone call came that said no. As fragile hope was obliterated and I stared at an uncertain, impossible, dark future, I chose anger. It was a tempting fruit that falsely promised to make my raw heart feel better…and I took it. From my human perspective, my God had allowed this pain and left me.

In Psalm 22, David begins with “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from my deliverance and from my words of groaning? My God, I cry by day but You do not answer…

I so identified with those pain-filled words. I was there, crying at the kitchen sink, crying in the school pick-up line, crying with no answer.

But the psalm doesn’t end there. Something happened between the beginning and end of these prose. David ends with awe-filled praise. “I will proclaim Your name to my brothers; I will praise you in the congregation…For He has not despised or detested the torment of the afflicted. He did not hide His face from him but listened when he cried to Him for help.”

He did not hide His face.

He did not hide.

How did David go from feeling that God had forsaken him to proclaiming that He had not hidden His face??

It felt like He was hiding His face from me. But that was because I had picked up anger like a hooded cloak and it blocked out His face. I chose to look at my anger rather than deal with the pain. I trusted anger to hold me together, because the enemy whispered that I had been wrong about Him all along. Whispered that maybe He was going to leave my life in shambles. The lies of fear shackled me to the anger that kept me from seeing His un-hidden face.

But my story doesn’t end there. Just like David, something happened to my heart between the hurt and the healing. At that time I was captive. I had chosen anger and it had bound me up. Here’s truth though: He comes for the captives. Always. It’s who He is.

It is for freedom that Christ has set you free. Galatians 5:1

A good friend, prompted by the Holy Spirit, gave me this note…

If we are faithless, he remains faithful-for he cannot deny himself.

2 Timothy 2:13

I read that verse and, still very angry at God, was tempted to throw it physically in the trash. I didn’t agree with it in my pain. But love for my sweet friend kept me from such an act. I did however, push it back on my counter, hiding it under other papers. The verse, now tumbling around in my head, felt like salt on an open wound. He is faithful??? NO. NO. NO.

The next day, standing in my kitchen making peanut butter sandwiches for my kids, my God drew near to me, spoke to my spirit, and asked me to surrender. To lay down the heavy anger that I was carrying. I resisted, telling Him that I didn’t know how. But as I wept all over those pb&j’s, my heart gave way, walls cracked a bit.

I took the post-it note and put it on my refrigerator. That was all the surrender I felt capable of. Truthfully, I didn’t really want it there. Every time I would go to open the fridge I would see it. And, at first, my reaction was bitter. Every time I would think “God, How is this being faithful??” But the beautiful thing is that once we surrender, even a little, we allow God to reveal to us how faithful He really is. He showed me that. I believe that is what happened to David in that psalm. Surrender, which then brought freedom to see our God’s un-hidden face!

I learned that I did not have to get over my anger. I just had to surrender it to Him. He was the one who took care of it. My anger did not scare Him, or make Him love me any less. Your anger doesn’t either. He is the ALMIGHTY. The King of Kings. Our anger doesn’t scare Him, it just separates us from Him. His faithfulness is not contingent on ours. He is always faithful because it’s who He is. But you and I do not get to see that faithfulness in our lives until we surrender. Until we release our hurt hearts. Our anger.

So, the post-it note stayed on my fridge. And the Living Words on it began to work in my heart. It was slow work, but friends, I began to see Him in the small graces of my days, finding Him to be a comfort on hard days, realizing He was the source of some incredible blessings. He was and is so good to me. I see Him now, I see how He was faithful to me even when I was not.

{photo credit, Jessica Gantenbein}

That verse is now written on my heart in a way that only He could do. His tremendous love for me, for us, continues to amaze me. Continues to heal me. Continues to sustain me.

He restores all things.

He is faithful, AND He did not hide His face from me!

-Kallie

What’s the Plan?

January 6, 2016 / Kallie McKean

20160105_113434 My sweet 6 year old daughter is a planner. Most mornings she walks sleepily downstairs and the first thing out of her mouth is “what are we doing today mama?” My broad answers never seem to suffice. She always wants more details. And usually my plans are not exciting enough for her. She doesn’t yet comprehend that grocery shopping, albeit boring, is necessary if she wants to eat her mac n’ cheese later on!

My Audrey wants to wake up each morning to a new day full of excitement and fun. And she wants to be on the planning committee for this; she wants to orchestrate it. She gets mad at me when I won’t tell her every detail of our daily plan. She doesn’t like it when I tell her that she doesn’t need to know sometimes. I’m the mommy, I say. I know what I’m doing. You can trust me sweet girl, I say.

Once again, I see myself in my daughter. I see the mirror of my interactions with God. I am just like her…daily asking “what’s the plan here?” I get frustrated when He won’t tell me. I want to know details, and I DEFINITELY want to be on the planning committee. In fact, I usually think I should just be in charge of the plan!

It’s a new year. A new beginning. And as we look at our coming year, we all want to know the plan. We hope and dream that it will be full of good things, pain-free things, exciting fun things.

Recently, I’ve been reminded by God that He has a plan, that He knows what He’s doing, and I need to trust Him. The Word promises us that He’s always working in us, through us, for us…and that it is for our good. He has our best in mind. I’ve been refinishing a lot of furniture for my business lately. As I spend time in my garage, repairing old gouges, painting multiple coats of a carefully chosen color, sanding with just the right pressure to achieve a butter smooth finish, then waxing and buffing, I’m struck with how similar the process is to what God does with you and me. He’s refinishing us…making us into the image of Christ. There are times when He fills our broken places to remove gouges that life has brought to our hearts. There is sanding that must be done, with just the right pressure. Each piece I refinish is different, and requires a different vision, but the purpose is the same; to take something of value and restore its beauty. Restore its usability. Restore its purpose. I see value in it before the work is started because I am the artist. The piece doesn’t declare its value, I do. And I have a plan to bring that value to the surface for others to see.

Our faithful Father in heaven has such a plan for your life in much the same way. You do not declare your value, He does. And He has a plan to bring forth that value; that Christ-likeness for others to see.

I love this promise for us from Isaiah 43:19;

Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

This is such a hope-filled promise, one that we can grab hold of. He’s doing a new thing in all of our hearts. He’s not leaving us where we ended last year, He’s not doing the same old things. It’s a new thing. This year, He has a plan for you. And it’s not just about where you will live but who lives in you. It has less to do with where you work than who works through you. His plan includes your external joy and also the joy He wants to place in you.

This new thing that He is doing, I want to perceive it. I want to be expectant of it, hopeful, patient. I want to trust Him with the plans for my life.

And I want to stop asking ‘6-year-old’ questions, and instead put my hand in His, look up at Him and trust.

He is doing something new in you, my friend, as well. Be aware of it and be on the lookout for it. Expect big things from our Almighty. How will you trust our faithful God today, and in the coming year? 20160105_113505

-Kallie

When the Weary Rejoice

December 3, 2015 / Kallie McKean

It’s no surprise that this week, the week that I am supposed to be writing about rejoicing, is a week where I’m feeling like doing everything but that! Isn’t that how it always works?! This is the season of being merry with all it’s twinkling lights, hot cocoa, and jingling bells. I’m a mom of little kids and sometimes fall into the trap of thinking that Christmas is up to me. That I must do more, be more, BUY more in order for it to be merry. This does not lend itself to rejoicing, unless we’re talking about finding the toys on my kid’s wishlists in the clearance section!! That may incite some rejoicing. But we’re not talking about that. 🙂

I know I SHOULD be rejoicing {expressing joy}, but I have a list out the door of things I SHOULD be doing. I’m guessing you might have the same type of list.

Then there’s our world around us, full of tragic news and pain. Brokenness all around us. What else are we to do but continue on, full speed ahead trying to just get through this season. Trying to outrun fear and stress or just numbing ourselves against it. Friends, if we do, we’ll miss it. We’ll miss something crucial. We’ll miss the opportunity to rejoice and the healing effect it will have on our battered selves. We need to rejoice, or more importantly we need the thrill of hope that evokes rejoicing.

“A thrill of Hope, the weary world rejoices.”

As the song suggests, we are all weary in one way or another. Weary from work, from a season of pain, or from a season of loneliness. Riddled with chronic stress, chronic need, or never ending battles. We are depleted from our lists of to-do’s, from our grief, or from our trials. This life is just plain hard and it’s natural to become weary as we wait for something better.

But that’s the beauty of Christmas! That’s why we rejoice…because Someone did come to heal us, to give us hope. And He came for you. Hope came for you.

His name is Jesus. The bible calls Him Emmanuel, meaning God with us. Christmas marks the rescue for us all, the moment when God came near and began the rescue operation. That’s the thrill. That God Almighty, in His sovereign, indescribable glory came near to humanity. And He is still wanting to be near to you. He sees you.

He loves you. And all you have to do is turn, quiet your heart, and look at Him.

That’s when you get the thrill of all-encompassing hope.

So how do we get from having hope to rejoicing?

To rejoice is to express intensive joy, to give joy , to feel joy and to act on it. This verb sounds simple enough, it really isn’t easy to act out. We cannot and should not fake joy.

Our joy is the effect of something else. Someone else. Emmanuel. Jesus. We express that joy, rejoice, because it is all we can do when our hearts open to receive His hope, His love…Him. Our weariness dissolves when we catch a glimpse of Him. And we rejoice. It may be in a loud song, it may be with a smile to the sky, or it may be through laughter overflowing you. But it is an expression of joy that we cannot contain.

As I sat here typing this, I was thinking of times when I’ve had that thrill of hope. I then looked out my window to see this.

sunset pic

And I saw Him. Not literally of course, but I’ve known Him long enough to recognize when He’s revealing Himself to me. I felt His smile in the sheer beauty He provided. Saw Him drawing near to me. Knew He was caring for me even right now as I attempt to write these meager words about Him. His love for us is extravagant, powerful, and everything we need. It thrills like nothing else.

And my weary heart rejoices.

Come, O Come Emmanuel

-Kallie

Understanding Ashes

November 4, 2015 / Kallie McKean

I’ve been reflecting a lot lately. Looking back while pondering the way forward.

Although my little family is in a new and good chapter, I can’t help but look back at the road we feel God has led us on and wonder at it. It’s been a strange route, and definitely not one I would have picked for myself. My eyes see something that resembles failure. I look back to 8 years ago, when my husband and I both laid down our careers to follow God on an adventure. It was a direct and very clear call to follow and we went whole-heartedly and expectantly. We went joyfully. But now…now joy is harder to find. The adventure has been wrought with trial. More than I could have ever imagined. The expectations that we once had are gone and although my faith claims it is not so, it appears that we have been left with nothing but failure. Nothing but ashes.

There’s this verse I have displayed in my home…

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Trust in the Lord…

It’s simple one, and yet,
I still find that I struggle to trust and desperately want to understand on my own!

Sometimes, when I look around and can’t understand what God is doing, my questioning heart hears whispered lies...

“Hmmm, maybe your shepherd isn’t doing a good job?” “You’ve given enough don’t you think, and you have nothing to show for it. Hold back. Stop following completely.” “You deserve better, so you should take back control.”

Do you sometimes hear those lies too? It’s the age-old ‘tempting fruit’…and some days I just want to reach up and take it. Falsely promised ‘control‘ hangs low on the branch, and always looks like the best option in my life.
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It feels good to my wounded, painful places to take back control. Even if it’s false control.

Thankfully, the voice of my good and faithful Savior, {the One who saves me from myself over and over again,} speaks clearly, and cuts through the untruths…

Your perspective of failure is not truth.

I have a plan, and I will work all these things for good.

Trust me beloved.

In your surrender, I will make beauty from ash.

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Maybe my ashes are not exactly what they appear to be. Maybe the fruit that I am tempted to pick off the branch isn’t either.

Friends, if we want our King to breathe new life in us, to make our ashes into something beautiful, we cannot hold back. Not anything. We must be brave. We must stop trying to self-preserve. We must love Him with abandon. I realize if you have come through something painful and your heart is still tender, this is so hard. You may not really feel like loving with abandon or trusting at all. Sweet friend, He knows. He sees and He understands. If you’re staring at ash in your life right now, just know that the way through it is Him.

And He is a gentle refuge.

It helps me to remember times when He has taken apparent failures and made something beautiful; times when I have not plucked the fruit of control off the branch but instead chosen surrender…

*In a badly broken relationship, when I allowed forgiveness to truly take root, God brought forth a new and beautiful friendship with that very same person. It was stronger and deeper than the original and more beautiful because of the ashes it came from.

*After enduring some of the shame of financial strife, I was able to look into the eyes of another that were clouded with despair, and remind her that her identity is not based on her bank account or ability to buy nice things. To be the one who reminds her she is not alone in a way that only comes from having walked that road before…Beauty from my ashes.

*Even Jesus on the cross, died in apparent failure only to rise and conquer death. Glorious beauty from ash.

He takes what’s wrong and makes it right. It’s what He does. Who He is. You and I just have to take our eyes off that tempting fruit of self-preservation and control. Our hearts must yield to His will. It’s the only way and anything that promises otherwise is a lie. Without the surrender, all we have is ugly grey dust. We must trust Him with our ashes. He is an excessive, abundant God and never wastes anything. So together let’s trust, lean, and wait on Him. He’s working in you and me, and if you let Him, that ash in your hands, will become something beautiful in His. And I can’t wait to see it!

Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us. Ephesians 3:20

-Kallie

Author: Kallie McKean (Page 1 of 3)

Scared?

The Mirror

The Road to Forgiveness

Cleaning Up the Mess

1 John 1:9 ESV {emphasis mine}

a small bud blooms

Greener Grass

When You’re Angry at God

What’s the Plan?

When the Weary Rejoice

Understanding Ashes

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