Hallways and doors

My word for the year is provision. Maybe that was because  in January as I anticipated a year of potential challenges I needed to believe that God would provide. And each month I’ve had to look for it- with expectation. And friends, I’ve seen it.

We are just finishing some LONG  years in a ph.d program for my husband (any of you who understand the gravity of what this means- I welcome you for a support meeting later).  He has worked so hard and persevered. And so many times we thought we’d never make it. Upon the other side of this accomplishment, however came the realization that this meant a job change. Like Abraham we knew God was telling my husband to leave his current job (by faith) and follow Him without knowing where we were headed next.  “Walking by faith and not by sight.” This is not my favorite by the way- I’d much rather KNOW what the plan is and then create an exit strategy rather than  say goodbye and have to answer to a whole lot of “where are you going next?” questions without a concrete answer.

For 18 months my husband researched, applied and interviewed at universities around the country.   Our family also looked into various ministry opportunities overseas that aligned with our hearts.  One week I was literally trying to “picture”  potential opportunities which included: living in a country town in Tennessee, as teachers in a small village in Kenya,  as a professor’s wife on the beaches of San Diego, or helping start a new ministry in the jungles of Uruguay. Seriously?

We learned about being WILLING.  The process was good for us. Maybe God cared more about the posture of our hearts than the actual vocation and location we’d land in. We dreamt together again. We talked about our hopes and our desires, we invited our friends and mentors to speak into our lives and we prayed a lot. Our kids did too. Doors would open and then close. It was such a roller coaster. ( I apologize to those of you who we took on every bump and hill).

Time was winding down.

By May, the goodbyes and accolades had been given at my husband’s current job and we were looking at being unemployed  in a month later.  I began to get nervous. Did God forget us? Was he really going to provide? Didn’t he know we’d be out of a salary in a month and we have three kids to feed?  My prayers became a bit more urgent (and less faith-filled). A friend sent me this and it hit me between the eyes…

It felt like a  really LONG hallway lined with closed doors… But could I still praise Him?

I could praise Him for HIS UNFAILING CHARACTER even in uncertain circumstances.

And then the weirdest thing happened.   After applying everywhere, way late in the game, a professor job opened up at the very university my husband was working at.  Not just any job- THE JOB- the one he had applied for all over the country- the one he was preparing for in his years of late night doctoral studies-His dream faculty job, teaching undergraduate intercultural studies classes. And it was HERE- it’d mean we wouldn’t have to move- no leaving our church, schools, community that we so dearly loved. No one had seen this coming! My husband was contacted and asked to apply. The process was fast-tracked and a couple weeks ago he was offered the job.

I sit here trying to process all this I’m embarrassed at how I doubted before and how I began to believe that maybe this would be the ONE TIME God wasn’t going to provide. And yet in the ninth inning of the game- in OVERTIME- He did. He provided. A surprise.  Better than we could’ve expected. He made a way where there seemed to be no way. We are now on the other side and can breathe a sigh of relief. I write this to remind myself and you that God is a provider. For those of you in that hallway with doors that just seem to keep closing I wanna say- I know how you feel. I’ve so been there and I was messy in the hallway. But you, my friend – He knows you. He provides seed for the sparrows to eat every day. He clothes the lilies of the fields. You are certainly not forgotten. He will provide somehow, someway and it may not be as you expect. And soon you’ll have a God-story to share of His provision and we’ll celebrate with you.