No and Yes

Yesterday God said no to me.

It was something I really wanted. Something I thought He wanted for me. Something that would be so good for me. So good for my family.

But God said no.

So today, I am pouting. Like my eight year old when I tell her no, she can’t have another snack 5 minutes before dinner. I am pouting. Bummed out. Pity-party city. I am sad.

And my sadness takes me back to another time when God said no. For several years the answer was no. That’s a long time for an American! Our culture doesn’t like to wait for anything. Patience is not our virtue.

I really wanted a baby ‒another baby to make Sela a big sister. I was sure it was what was best for her. I couldn’t understand why God didn’t agree. But month after month, I got the same answer.

No.

It made my heart heavy, and I struggled not to question God’s character. I wasn’t so sure how much God loved me. Every month I would hear his exponentially-bigger voice bellow down to me:

No.

Nope.

Ummmm no.

With each passing month, His voice in my head became harsher. More calloused and unkind. God’s voice in my head was cruel.

What does God’s voice in your head sound like? Is it mean? Punishing? Indifferent to your pain? If it is, then that is not God’s voice.

Listen closer.

For the Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love… (Psalm 103:8)

During those dark days of infertility, I learned to listen more intently to the heart of God, as it is revealed in His Word. I reflected back on what I already knew of His character and the many ways I had already seen Him work in lives around me. When God says no to His kids, He is not harsh, cruel or indifferent. Just the opposite: God’s no is kind. It is grace-filled and rich in love. Friends, listen for that sweet voice!

If you’re a mom, you know how this works. You’ve likely had one of those heart-wrenching moments when you have to deprive your child of something he really wants. Reeeaaalllly wants. Because you are bigger and wiser, you can see that this something is not what is best for your little one. But oh how your baby wants that something! In their limited understanding, this something would make life so much better. And they waaaaant it. And now you are an ogre. And you never loved them. You are officially the meanest mom. Ever.

Yes, sometimes love says no.

Sometimes Love says no to His kids, too.

So back to my present pouting. I am trying to find a better word for my crappy attitude. Whiney. Grumpy. In a funk…

Downcast. That’s what the Bible calls it.

Downcast: “low in spirit : dejected” (according to MerriamWebster). Low in spirit ‒that sounds much nicer than grumpy. I can own that. Sometimes the circumstances of life bring us low in spirit. God’s Word is actually full of examples of people who were downcast.

From Psalm 42

My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you from the land of the Jordan, the heights of Hermon—from Mount Mizar.

Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me.

By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life.

Why, my soul, are you downcast?

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.

And this brings me to the yes. (remember the title?)

See, if I can take my focus off of the no, then just maybe I can lift my head and remember how many times the Lord has said yes to me. And I can allow this to restore my hope and refresh my praise.

When I was lost in my sin, desperate and without hope, God said yes. He lifted me from the pit, and set me on a rock. When we were vulnerable and alone, like sheep without a shepherd ‒like people without an identity‒ God said yes. He said yes to the shame, the rejection. He said yes to the cross, the grave. I asked Him to take my brokenness and give me wholeness, and He said yes. I needed a savior, a protector and a friend, and He said yes.

I asked Him to love me all my days and never let me go, and He said yes.

Sometimes, God says no.

But, when we needed it most, He said yes.

God said yes.

-Janel

Janel Thomas is a dear friend to those that know her. She is a wife and a mom to three girls – ages 8, 10 and 14. She attended Westmont College where she received her degree in sociology and worked for 8 years in full-time ministry. At present, in between school drop-offs and pick-ups, she works as a church communications coordinator, leads a school care ministry, and is a full-time encourager to all those around her.