I’ve walked off a cliff and am free falling – arms flailing.
I feel like Lot’s wife. Remember her? She’s the one who died.
Lucky me.
This walk began last year. Back when I first got the inkling that God was asking me to step away from a job I’ve loved. Step away to focus on counseling and life coaching, with some speaking and teaching on the side. He whispered to my heart that this combination would allow me to serve the world utilizing the skillset He designed for me — with the added benefit of greater flexibility to give more time and energy to my family…
a critical combination as we seek to foster-adopt.
Months – many months – passed. I prayed and talked it out with Jason and a few trusted friends.
In my perfect world I wouldn’t have stepped away from the current until the new was solidified. BUT, a week came when I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was time. Time to walk it out.
So I did.
Right off the edge of that pesky cliff.
Falling, all I can see is the fog below. My stomach flies into my throat and I’m tempted to panic. Tempted to reach for the side of the mountain. To somehow pull myself back to where I was before. Somehow reverse time.
Did I make a mistake? Do I have what it takes to be self-employed?
I have compassion for the desert-wandering Israelites who thanked God for his mighty deliverance one day and longed for their former life (i.e. bondage) the next. It reminds me of clients who are tempted to stay in an awful situation because it’s less scary than the unknown of something new.
So human.
So relatable.
Here’s the problem: even IF I could somehow grip the side of the mountain and pull myself up, the landscape at the top has changed. I’d be going back to something that no longer exists.
So here I am – falling – stuck between the fearful new and the absent old.
Then it hits me. FLIP AROUND.
Did you ever do a trust fall when you were a kid? Or maybe as an adult during some overeager leader’s teambuilding exercise?
The answer isn’t the fog or the cliff. No. I need to turn my gaze upward.
Flip my body around and focus on the One I can trust. HIS character. HIS promises.
As my eyes come into focus, the whole experience begins to change. Slowly – but – surely.
My stomach is returning to its rightful place. A calm is washing over the fear. The first hint of excitement is peaking through the fog of the unknown.
“FOCUS UP” the whisper says. “Keep your eyes on me.”
I’m not sure when my feet will hit the ground. Or, what the new landscape will look like. The only thing I’m sure about is that I can trust the one who told me to walk. And, with that in mind, I’ll take this free fall for the thrilling ride that it is.
I am the Lord your God, I go before you now. And though you feel I’m far away, I am closer than your breath. I am with you. More than you know.
– Come to Me by Bethel Music
Laura
Thanks Laura for sharing your process in trusting God as you let go and let Him carry you forward!
Love this! I’m feeling the same way right now. Thank you for the reminder of who I am trust falling into the arms of!
I loved this!! I am so proud of you for listening to the whisper – when so many of us try to plug our ears out of fear and uncertainty. You have given me a nudge that I think I needed. Some thoughts to think about and some idea of where I’d like to be. So happy for you and your family – my God continue to bless each of you!
“Thanks. I needed that” was a line in a commercial for after-shave back in my day. It was said after the guy got slapped in the face. But the slap was with a refreshing and envigorating splash of soothing lotion and meant to wake up the recipient. Much the way your blog describes our need to rely on God’s slap of our senses to rely on Him! Thank you Laura for that refreshing revelation!! God bless your true reliance on Him! And your willingness to share that with us. It was certainly refreshing and envigorating! And spoke to me as clearly as a slap in the face. Thanks I needed that!